


To Someone Beautiful and Far Away

by Heresetrash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Message in a bottle, Minor Phasma/Rey, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-29 08:09:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21406972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heresetrash/pseuds/Heresetrash
Summary: Armitage Hux works as a journalist. While out running on the beach one day, he stumbles on some debris which turns out to be a message in a bottle signed by someone calling themselves Kylo Ren. The message seems sad and lonely and Hux is drawn to it. He is curious about who this Kylo Ren is and starts researching in hopes of finding him and maybe writing a story about him.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 121
Kudos: 236
Collections: Kylux Big Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my submission for the Kylux Big Bang 2019. I had a lot of fun writing this story, so I hope you will enjoy it, too!
> 
> I want to give a massive shoutout to my artist [sinningsquire](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/), who also worked as my beta. We had such a great partnership and I'm eternally grateful that I was paired up with her. She went above and beyond to create the most amazing art. I really feel like we made this story together. We were able to inspire each other and play off each other's ideas, which was a really lovely experience.

Thankfully, the beach was deserted in winter, so Hux had it all to himself as he jogged along the stretch of sand. There was no wonder, really, why people rarely came here at this time of year. Continuous and unforgiving gusts of biting east wind came in from the steel grey ocean, so chilling it would dig all the way into your bones and linger there. Others would call it freezing, but Hux had always thought of it as numbing because that was the feeling he got whenever he ran on the beach. And that numbness was just what he needed to be able to disconnect his mind from reality for the hour he took out of his schedule four times a week.

There wasn't any snow. It very rarely was even at this time of year in England. It was blistering cold, yes, but sadly they hardly ever got the peaceful beauty that the white, comforting blanket of snow provided.

His feet dug into the heavy sand, the muscles in his legs straining as he urged himself on, focusing solely on reaching the end of the beach, where he would turn and run all the way back home again.

He didn’t notice the object in the sand until he almost tripped over it. He stumbled slightly as his right foot knocked into something hard - though not painful - and halted. He turned, panting, and frost-mist formed in the air as he breathed out heavily. There was something sticking out of the wet sand; something made of glass that looked a lot like the neck of a bottle. Squatting, Hux grabbed the item and pulled at it, releasing it from the grip of the sandy shore.

It _was_ a bottle: a clear, square one made of thick glass that Hux was almost certain had once held Jack Daniel’s whiskey. It wasn’t too worn, so it couldn’t have been in the ocean for that long. In itself, it wasn’t particularly remarkable. Sometimes, these things drifted ashore. But this bottle contained a rolled-up piece of paper and Hux realised that what he was holding in his hand might actually be a message in a bottle.

Curious, he tried to unscrew the cap without success. It was so tightly sealed that Hux suspected that whoever had tossed it in the ocean must have glued it shut to keep water from entering. He held the bottle up to the light, squinting at the paper inside it and decided to cut his workout short, jogging home with the bottle securely clasped in his hand.

Back in his flat, he found Millicent - his shorthair, ginger tabby - waiting for him when he came through the door.

“Hello, darling,” he greeted her, kicking his running shoes off.

She gave a _mreow_ in return.

Though impatient, Hux was cold after the run, so he left the bottle on the kitchen counter while he went to the bathroom, rid himself of his sweaty running clothes and took a quick, scalding shower to get the heat back into his body. He wrapped himself up in his bathrobe and stuck his feet in his wool-lined slippers after.

Then he went back to the bottle. He tried to unscrew it again, but he didn’t have any luck this time either. He tried with a towel and he tried running it under hot water, but he still failed. Eventually, he went down into the basement and to his storage room where he found a bottle of acetone to bring upstairs with him. If anything would open the tightly sealed bottle, it was that. He carefully dunked the head of the bottle into the acetone and with some patient prying, he was finally able to unscrew it, almost gasping in excitement when the cap came loose.

Hux coaxed the rolled-up paper out with his little finger. It was crisp and dry, having suffered no water damage on its journey. He rolled it out on the kitchen counter, keeping it flat with his thumb and index finger, and read:

> _April 11, 2018_
> 
> _To someone beautiful and far away,_
> 
> _I’m writing to you, whoever and wherever you are._
> 
> _Somewhere out there, you must be waiting, like I am waiting._
> 
> _Kylo Ren_

There was no mention of a place or an address to tell Hux where it might have come from, but the date written in the top left corner of the letter, let him know that it had taken the bottle almost a year to reach the shores of Arkanis.

Bringing the bottle and the letter with him into the living room, he sat down on the cushy, brown sofa. He studied the letter, trying to figure out who might have written it. The name was strange, nothing he had ever heard before. It still sounded male to him though, and the handwriting backed up that assumption: it was simple, easily readable print. From that, he also deduced that it was likely someone younger rather than older who was the writer.

It was really quite romantic, Hux thought, and he wondered what the sender had hoped would happen when they threw that bottle into the ocean. The likelihood of it surviving and someone finding it was so small. And, even if someone did, there was no contact information, which meant it was close to impossible for anyone to write back.

_Close_ to impossible. Because there was a name, and if there was a name, Hux knew that a person could be found. Moving over to his desk in the corner of the living room, he opened his laptop and went straight to Google, where he typed in _Kylo Ren._

He hadn’t expected a lot of results, but he hadn’t expected zero results either, which was exactly what he got. Knitting his brows, he tried searching for the name in a couple of national archives as well but still found nothing. It wasn’t the first time he had met a dead end with a name and there were multiple reasons why he wasn’t able to find anything. Most likely, it was because it was some kind of a nickname or a pseudonym that wasn’t registered anywhere.

Hux reached for the letter and read it once more. While it was definitely romantic, there was also something undeniably sad about it. Especially the last line - _Somewhere out there, you must be waiting, like I am waiting_ \- was rather heartbreaking. It was lonely, and a larger part of Hux than he was willing to admit to, resonated very closely with that.

* * *

The next day, he brought the message in a bottle with him to work. He was certain that his colleagues at _Arkanis Chronicle_ would find the letter very interesting. As journalists, this was just the kind of thing that would peak all of their curious natures, just like it had peaked Hux’s.

The _Arkanis Chronicle_ wasn’t a large newspaper by any means. It was only a local paper and Arkanis was just a provincial town. Naturally, there was a limit to how big or exciting their news was. When he was younger, Hux had dreamed about becoming a journalist who wrote important, breakthrough pieces, and he had a promising career after finishing university when he was still living in London. But four years ago, unexpected circumstances had turned his life on its head and he had made the decision to move back to his hometown. And at this point, Hux doubted that the exciting career he had once hoped for would ever happen.

“Good morning,” he greeted Phasma, who occupied the cubicle across from him.

Despite it being early in the morning, she was looking striking as always with her pale blonde hair slicked loosely away from her face, wearing almost no makeup. She had this effortless beauty about her that Hux rather admired, much of it stemming from her confidence.

She glanced up from her computer screen. “Morning,” she smiled back at him.

He and Phasma had become fast friends when Hux started working for the Chronicle, quickly bonding over sarcasm and a preference for coffee rather than tea. At this point, she was one of the very few people in his life that he could honestly say that he trusted and cared about.

“You’ll never believe what I found on the beach yesterday while I was out running,” he told her rather excitedly. He pulled the glass bottle out of his bag and showed it to her.

Phasma arched an immaculate eyebrow at him. “A bottle,” she replied dryly.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Yes, but look inside it.”

He handed it to her, and Phasma, just as inquisitive (if not more) as he was, grabbed it. Her blue eyes immediately went larger when she spotted the piece of paper inside it. She quickly unscrewed the bottle, got the letter out and scanned the words. She then gaped before she looked back up at Hux.

“You’re kidding.”

Hux shook his head. “It’s the real deal, I swear.”

“This is amazing!” she let out, her gaze going back to the letter to read it again. “And it could potentially be a really good story. Have you done any research yet?”

“I did some basic research last night, but I couldn’t find anything. I need to dig deeper."

Phasma nodded. “You should definitely take it to Snoke. I’m positive he’ll let you do a story on it. It will be sweet either way to have a story about a romantic message in a bottle, but imagine if you were actually able to find this person?”

“I know,” Hux said, eager at the thought. “I’m really curious to try and find out more.”

He brought the message in a bottle with him to Snoke next, tapping on the door leading into the office of the editor in chief.

“Enter,” Snoke’s raspy voice replied.

Hux stepped into the office. It was neatly kept, but stacked to the brim with books and years worth of journals and publishings from close to a lifelong career.

“Hux,” proclaimed Snoke from behind his heavy wooden desk. “What do you have for me?”

“I have a story,” said Hux confidently.

He had kept the bottle and the letter behind his back when he entered the office, but now he placed them both on his boss’ desk and further explained: “I found this on the beach yesterday and I want to try and find out where it came from.”

Snoke’s scarred face was expressionless as he listened to Hux talk. It had taken Hux a good while to get used to his looks, considering how disfigured he was. Most of the left side of his face was sunk in and the skin stretched and glistened as if burned or melted. Hux had never asked him directly what had actually happened to him (he didn’t want to pry) and Snoke had never mentioned it, but his colleagues had let slip that he had been severely wounded when he worked as a war correspondent during the Bosnian war.

Snoke reached for the bottle first, turned it over in his hands, and then went for the letter. He looked just as serious reading it as he had when Hux had spoken. But Hux wasn’t really worried about that. Snoke was a fair, albeit strict man and an excellent editor with an eye for a good story, and Hux was certain he would let him do this. It was just the sort of thing their readers would go wild for. In fact, it was the sort of story that was so rare that it might make Hux noticed again.

“A message in a bottle,” he stated. “And seemingly a romantic message, at that.”

“Yes,” confirmed Hux. “Everyone loves a bit of romance, don’t they? Couple it with a mystery and I believe we have a recipe for an excellent story.”

Snoke nodded in agreement. “They certainly do. It definitely looks promising and if you manage to find the person who wrote it, it might turn out to be a very interesting story indeed.” He waved his hand towards the bottle. “Go for it. Do what you need to figure this out and keep me updated.”

“Thank you, I will,” said Hux, a satisfied smile appearing on his face.

With the bottle and the letter safely back at his desk, he started his research. He still didn’t have very much to go on, so he started small to try and find out more about the mysterious Kylo Ren. He pulled up as many public records as he had access to and meticulously worked his way through them, trying to find anything with the name Kylo or Kylo Ren.

There was nothing.

From public records, he moved onto social media, still searching for the name, but trying to come up with as many variations of it as possible, as nicknames could be a tricky thing. Letters were rearranged and swapped; numbers, underscores and hyphens put in where he thought it made sense.

He also tried to search for words and phrases from the letter (at one point he even typed in the whole thing), but none of it was remarkable enough to give him any useful leads.

At the end of the day, Hux was still no closer to finding out anything about Kylo Ren. Tired and frustrated at having come up with nothing at all, he groaned and slumped back in his chair, running his hands over his side-swept, copper hair.

“No luck?” Phasma’s voice sounded. She had stood up in her cubicle and was now looking at him over their shared wall.

He shook his head, sighing. “Not yet. I’ve only searched nationally so far though. I’ll widen my search tomorrow.”

“Good idea. And while we wait for tomorrow, we should go get a drink together. Or two. Or three. Whatever feels right.”

Phasma winked and smiled cheekily at him.

“It’s Thursday,” Hux pointed out, leaning forward on his desk again, rubbing a hand over his face this time.

“Also known as almost weekend,” she said.

“Not for all of us.”

Hux didn’t like to go out. In fact, he actively avoided it. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with Phasma, it was just that Phasma was a social creature who liked people and whom people liked in return. Hux was not of the same breed. Whenever they went out, it always ended up with him going home early and alone. Not that he wanted to bring anyone with him. On the rare occasion that he was chatted up, he would keep up conversation long enough to hopefully not come across as rude, then he would turn them down gently, excuse himself and leave before it got awkward.

“Oh no, I’m not letting you off this time. It’s been ages since you came with me. I’m forcing you, whether you want to or not,” Phasma ordered him. She had put a maroon knit cap on her head and was in the process of getting into her wool coat as well.

“But-” tried Hux.

“No buts,” she cut him off. “Meet me at _Kanata's_ at seven.”

And with that she grabbed her purse and swooped out of the office, leaving Hux to throw his head back in defeat.

* * *

Hux made himself a quick dinner when he arrived home and topped up Millicent’s food bowl. He made a semi-effort to look decent for the night out, putting on a pair of slacks and a button-up, then walked to the bus stop. It wouldn’t be wise to take the car tonight, as he probably would end up buying a drink or two.

He made it to _Kanata's_ right on time and found Phasma already waiting at a table, a glass of red in front of her. He ordered the same from the bar before he joined her.

“I’m so happy you decided to come out tonight,” she said after he had removed his heavy coat and scarf and taken his seat opposite her.

“I didn’t exactly have a choice,” he reminded her, taking a sip from his glass of wine. It was nice and round, not too bitter.

“Rey is coming, by the way,” she added, trying to sound casual, but there was a secretive smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

Hux raised his eyebrows at her. “Oh, are you two official now, or-?”

Rey was a longtime acquaintance of Hux. She was a few years younger than him, but he had known her in school and when he moved back to Arkanis, they had gotten back in touch. He had ultimately introduced her and Phasma on one of these very nights out, which resulted in Phasma landing a heavy crush on her. And Phasma, who was usually so confident with women, hadn’t dared to ask Rey out, thinking for some ungodly reason that she was out of her league. Eventually, Rey had thankfully made a move, but Hux hadn’t heard anything more after that, and he hadn’t wanted to ask, in case it hadn’t gone well. He supposed now, that it had.

“Not exactly official,” said Phasma, twirling her wine glass in her hands, “but I think we’re getting there.”

“That’s great!” he said, giving her a genuine smile. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Don’t worry though, she’s bringing Mitaka, so you won’t have to sit here alone watching us being gross.”

“Mitaka?” Hux asked sceptically.

“Yes, you met him on my birthday, remember? Average height, dark brown hair, a little timid-looking,” she tried to remind him.

Hux narrowed his eyes as he thought back to Phasma’s birthday party. The description vaguely triggered a memory of a man a couple of years younger than himself that had seemed very eager to chat with him. “I think I remember him, yes.”

Phasma crossed her long legs, leaned back in her chair and studied him. “He was nice, wasn't he?”

“I suppose,” replied Hux. He had a very distinct, unsettling feeling that Phasma hadn’t asked Rey to bring this Mitaka just to avoid Hux being their third wheel.

About half an hour later, Rey showed up with a shy-looking young man trailing behind her. She smiled broadly and waved at them when she saw them, immediately coming up to their table, where she gave Phasma a quick kiss. Then she turned to Hux and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“How have you been?” she asked, her doe-like brown eyes sparkling in the soft downlights of the bar. “I haven’t seen you in a while."

“Oh, you know me,” he shrugged. “I mostly hide at home, avoiding talking to people.”

She laughed at that and Hux supposed it would have been funny if it wasn’t also true.

“You remember Mitaka, right?” she said, gesturing to the man standing behind her, who was patiently waiting for his turn to join the conversation.

“I do, yes,” he replied, giving Mitaka a polite if somewhat strained smile.

Mitaka’s face went from apprehensive to relieved when Hux addressed him, and Hux unfortunately immediately realised that his previous suspicion was correct: He was indeed there as Hux’s surprise date.

If Hux could have, he would have placed himself so he didn’t have to sit next to Mitaka, but that was impossible without moving his chair between Phasma and Rey. So he was stuck with this nervous man, who was clearly infatuated with him and who was indeed nice, but wasn’t even close to being his type - if he was looking for someone, that was, which he wasn’t.

The evening quickly became an awkward ordeal, with Phasma and Rey snuggling up to each other before disappearing from the table after a couple of glasses of wine and moving out onto the dance floor instead, leaving Hux and Mitaka alone.

“Do you want another glass of wine?” Mitaka asked him. He was nursing his third glass, his face slightly flushed at this point, and he had by now dared to let his eyes sweep across Hux’s body twice when he didn’t think Hux was paying attention.

“Oh no, thank you, I think one was plenty,” Hux turned him down as politely as he could.

Mitaka took another sip of his drink and then asked, “How is it going over at the paper? Are you working on any interesting stories?”

This was the point where Hux - if he wanted to - could tell him about the message in a bottle he had found and they could have an actual interesting conversation. But he wasn’t going to because it was a conversation he didn’t want to have with Mitaka. In addition, the romantic subtext could potentially be read wrong.

“I’m working on a piece, but I can’t really say anything about it,” Hux revealed without really revealing anything at all.

Mitaka gave an awkward smile. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s going to be good. Your pieces are always interesting to read.”

He was really trying, the poor man, and at another time in his life, Hux would probably have taken pity on him and brought him home to fuck him just because he felt sorry for him. But he didn’t do that anymore.

“Thank you,” Hux replied.

He suffered through another twenty minutes or so of halting conversation when he finally decided he just couldn’t take it anymore. It was only ten o’clock, but it was late enough to make an “I have to work tomorrow” excuse and leave.

“It’s getting late,” he said, looking at his wristwatch. “I should really get home.”

The expression on Mitaka’s face when he got up from the table was a mix of disappointment and desperation, and Hux could practically see how his brain was scrambling to come up with something to make him stay. Little did he know that it didn't matter what he said. It was never going to happen and it had nothing to do with him.

“I’ll see you around, I’m sure,” Hux told him.

He was fed up and tired, and all he wanted was to go home and sleep. He tried to wave goodbye to Phasma and Rey on the dance floor, but they didn’t notice him and he couldn’t be bothered walking over to them, so he just left.

It was freezing outside. The wind had picked up again and Hux pulled his coat tight, digging his hands deep into its pockets. He hoped he wouldn’t have to wait too long for the bus.

He had barely walked two blocks, however, when a voice called out behind him.

“Hux!”

It was Phasma. He stopped and turned so she could catch up with him. When she did, she looked worried.

“What's wrong?” she asked him, brows deeply furrowed. She wasn’t wearing her coat and Hux couldn’t understand how she wasn’t already turning blue. "Why did you just leave like that?"

"Why do you think?" he replied sharply.

"This can't be about Mitaka?" She sounded surprised.

He gave an exasperated sigh. "Of course it's about him."

"What's wrong with him? He's a really nice guy and if you actually engaged in a conversation with him you would know that.”

“I’m not interested,” Hux made clear, pulling the collar of his coat up to protect himself further from the wind and perhaps to protect himself from the conversation.

Phasma eyed him warily. “You’re never interested in anyone.”

“No, I'm not,” he confirmed. He didn’t often get annoyed or angry with people. He was usually level-headed, but when it came to his love life, he was very protective and he didn’t like anyone meddling in it - even Phasma.

“Hux, come on,” Phasma said. “I was only trying to do something nice for you. I didn’t want you to feel left out.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” he told her firmly. “In fact, I believe I’ve explicitly told you _not_ to do that. If I want to date, I will do that on my own initiative, not yours.”

Phasma rubbed her arms with her hands, the icy wind clearly getting to her now. “I just thought that you would be open to meeting someone new. I mean, it’s been four years since Poe.”

At the mention of his ex-boyfriend, Hux had to pull on every inch of self-control that resided within him so as not to scream.

Poe had been “the one”; the love of his life. Or, so Hux had thought. They had met and gotten together after Hux graduated from university. They were good for years and Hux had secretly started planning his proposal when Poe had - completely out of the blue - told him that he was very sorry, but he had met someone else and he didn’t love Hux anymore.

“I am painfully aware of how long it’s been!” Hux suddenly lashed out at her. His voice was vibrating and his body had gone rigid.

Poe had killed him when he left. Never in his life had he experienced pain so cruel and long-lasting as having his heart ripped out and trampled on by the person he loved. He had been a wreck for a long time, not sleeping and barely eating until he had told himself that he didn’t have any choice but to get himself together. He had faked it in the beginning, pretending he was fine, mostly so people would stop asking how he was doing. Slowly though, so very slowly, his feelings for Poe had faded.

At this point, Hux could confidently say that he was over him, but what he wasn’t over, was the hurt. That was still very vivid in his memory - ingrained in his heart - and putting himself out on the so-called market again simply wasn’t something he was willing to do. The risk was too great and he was honestly too scared at the potential of having his heart broken again. He didn’t think he could handle it.

Phasma stared at him with wide eyes, clearly shocked at his outburst. “I didn’t know you still felt like this,” she said, her voice almost a whisper now.

Hux shrugged and gave her a bitter smile. She tried to reach out for him, but he moved away from her hand.

“Have fun,” he told her before he turned and continued walking down the street. He didn’t much feel like getting on the bus at the moment, so he decided to walk home in the biting cold instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the beginning of this adventure. I will be posting new chapters every 3 days.
> 
> Comments and kudos are, as always, much appreciated <3
> 
> You can find sinningsquire's [lovely art for this chapter over on tumblr.](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/189062397011/hux-turned-panting-and-frost-mist-formed-in) Please head over and give it some love!


	2. Chapter 2

There was a cup of takeout coffee waiting on Hux’s desk when he arrived at work the next morning. He could smell it before he saw it. Tryingly, he sipped at it, and he hummed happily when the flavour of the Americano hit his taste buds.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Phasma’s voice sounded next to him. She was standing in the opening to his cubicle, eyebrows slanted and chewing on her lower lip. “I clearly stepped over the line and I’m somehow hoping that this coffee will make it better.”

Hux glanced up at her. He had been both upset and offended the night before, but by now he had calmed down and he realised that Phasma had never intended to make him feel uncomfortable.

“It makes it a little better.”

“And in case it's unclear,” she continued, “I will never do that again unless you give me express permission.”

Taking another sip of the Americano, Hux said, “I accept the apology.”

Phasma made a sigh of relief. “So, are you going to continue the research on the mysterious Kylo Ren?”

He nodded. “Time to move on to the rest of Great Britain and Ireland.”

“Good luck,” she said, making her way back to her own cubicle.

The rest of that day was spent just like the previous, with equally frustrating results, and Hux once again found himself with his face in his hands when afternoon came around. He had spent time digging up and trying to find people before, but it had never been this hard. Even those that were difficult to find always popped up in one of these archives.

“Still haven't found him, huh?” asked Phasma from over the top of their shared cubicle wall in the afternoon. Her maroon knit cap was back on her head again. She was clearly ready to leave and get her weekend started.

Hux only gave her a grunt in reply.

She made her thinking face then, which meant pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes as she looked into the distance. After a minute or so, she said, “Have you tried going international?”

Hux grimaced. “It's highly unlikely it's come from anywhere but the UK. The bottle wouldn't make it.”

“Unlikely, but not impossible,” she pointed out. “It's worth a try at least.”

He yawned, stretching his arms out in front of him and flexing his fingers. “I suppose.”

“I like how you say that as if giving up is an actual option for you,” she smirked.

He chuckled, knowing she was right. He might be tired from searching right now, but he wasn’t about to admit defeat. He just needed some rest, then he could get back at it the next day.

* * *

Hux didn’t have his Saturday off, but that wasn’t a problem because he would have continued his research anyway. He was allowed to work from home on weekends though, which was nice, meaning he could take his time in the morning to make himself a proper breakfast and a freshly brewed cup of coffee.

Going international with his research was like starting all over again. Everything he had already done pretty much had to be scrapped and he had to move onto new websites and online archives - ones he weren’t as familiar with, which meant it would be more difficult and time-consuming.

He wasn’t about to go on a searching spree of the entire world though, so he figured the first thing he would have to do was to get more familiar with ocean currents. It didn’t take too much research to make him realise that the Gulf Stream and the North Atlantic ocean currents could, in fact, have helped the bottled message travel all the way from America to England. Again, it was unlikely for such a small container to survive a journey like that, but clearly not impossible.

So Hux got to work on tracking down Kylo Ren in America, which wasn’t a small job when he had no idea where in the country the man resided. Everything would have been easier, he thought, if he at least knew which state he lived in. He supposed though, that this Kylo Ren would have to be an east coast man. It made no sense for him to have thrown a bottle into the Atlantic if he lived in, say, California. Assuming that was the case, Hux narrowed his search down to the east coast states, starting from the top and working his way down.

Through the course of the weekend, he managed to work his way through Maine and New Hampshire with nothing in return.

“This man is a ghost!” he complained to Millicent late Sunday evening when he got up from his desk, rolling his neck to loosen up the stiff muscles there.

From her spot in the windowsill, Millicent blinked back at him with curious, yellow eyes. Hux walked over to her and held his hand out for her to bump her head lovingly against.

“I wonder what he’s like?” he mused aloud as he scratched her chin. Indulging himself in a bit of a daydream, he asked her: “Do you think he’s handsome?”

Millicent chirped back at him and his mouth quirked up into a smile.

“Oh, you do? Tall and dark too, perhaps?”

Millicent chirped again and Hux chuckled.

“I’m going to be incredibly disappointed if you’re wrong about this.”

* * *

When Monday came around, Snoke called Hux into his office for an update on the message in a bottle story.

“What have you got so far?” he asked, locking eyes with Hux. He was vaguely threatening when he did that.

“I’m working on it,” Hux told him. “It’s unfortunately been somewhat more difficult to find the sender than I initially thought it would. It doesn’t appear that he’s a UK citizen, so I’ve had to go international with my research.”

Snoke nodded slowly as he rubbed his chin. “That might take some time. I want you to continue on it, but I also need you to cover other stories.”

Hux had to repress a sigh. He understood that he couldn’t just focus on the message in a bottle story - there weren’t enough journalists at the _Arkanis Chronicle_ for that. But it still disappointed him, because unlike what he usually wrote, this was interesting and intriguing, not just words to fill a page. This story was giving him hope that his career might not be dead after all.

“Of course,” he replied with a stiff smile.

* * *

Inevitably, the other stories Snoke wanted Hux to write forced him to spend less time researching the message in a bottle at work and more time at home. For any other story, he would have put his foot down and refused to spend his spare time working, but he had become so fascinated by the letter and intrigued by the mystery of the man behind it that he didn’t really mind. Quite the opposite, he enjoyed it. Solving this enigma had become a bit of an obsession for him and he would be damned if he stopped before he got any answers.

It took weeks. February turned into March and March just touched the beginning of April when Hux finally found a lead. He had spent the last days digging his way through an online newspaper archive specifically for local newspapers when there was a hit on Kylo Ren.

By now, Hux was so used to getting zero results in return that he didn’t react at first when a single article popped up in the search result. He stared at the bright screen with a bored expression before he realised what he was actually looking at and his eyes widened.

Quickly, he clicked the link, leading him to a local newspaper in a small town called Endor Springs in Connecticut. The article was a few months old and praised a group of Habitat for Humanity volunteers that had built a home for a family in need. There was a photo too, picturing the volunteers in front of the house. Hux read the caption that identified them, finding the name Kylo Ren and flicking his gaze to a man at the very back of the photo.

“There you are,” Hux whispered to the screen.

It almost looked like the man was trying to hide as if he was reluctant to be in the picture, but he was too tall and broad compared to the others to be able to conceal himself. He was wearing all black and scowled at the photographer through a curtain of black hair cut just above his shoulders, only the left side of his face showing.

Hux stared at the photo. This Ren didn’t look like someone who tossed bottles with lonely messages into the ocean. Then again, he didn’t look like someone who volunteered for Habitat for Humanity either, yet there he was. What was he hiding behind that intimidating exterior, Hux wondered. And, more importantly, would Hux be able to lure it out of him?

* * *

“I found him,” declared Hux the next morning as he slammed a printed copy of the article he had found the previous night onto Phasma’s desk. The pride and excitement were apparent in his voice.

Phasma picked up the sheet of paper and quickly scanned it with curious eyes. "Well, I'll be damned. All the way from Connecticut."

"It took just about forever, but there he finally is."

"He really didn't want to be found, did he?” Then she smirked. “I bet he's hiding something."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Phasma snorted. "Don't pretend you haven't thought about it. This is just your thing."

“Well,” Hux shrugged, snatching the piece of paper out of her hands again. “He obviously wouldn’t be this hard to track down is he wasn’t hiding _something._ The question is what.”

“And whether it will make a good story,” added Phasma.

Feeling confident after his breakthrough in the story, Hux knocked on Snoke’s office door, immediately being called in. He showed his boss the printed article, pointing to Ren in the photo and explaining how he had finally found him.

“Excellent work,” Snoke praised him, his mouth twitching into a misshaped smile.

“I want to go there,” Hux insisted.

Frowning, Snoke leaned back in his chair. “You want to go to America?”

"Yes! I want to find him and talk to him and get this story.”

“Hux-”

Ignoring the protest he saw coming, Hux pushed on: “I know I can turn this into a great story. I know there’s so much more here than what we can see on the surface. You just have to let me.”

Snoke sighed. "Our finances don't really allow for me to send you across the Atlantic in hopes of getting an interview with this man." He gestured towards the article on the desk.

"Our finances don't allow for you to take a chance on the best story this paper has ever had?"

Hux knew that there was a limit to the _Arkanis Chronicle's_ financial resources. They couldn't just do what they wanted whenever they wanted. Normally he would accept this, but this story was singular. If there was ever a time to make an exception to the rule, then this was it.

Snoke crossed his arms in front of his chest. He went silent for a long time while Hux, impatiently, waited for a reply.

“If I let you do this-” Snoke began. Hux opened his mouth to reply, but Snoke put a hand up to keep him quiet. “If I let you do this, I’m expecting an exceptional story in return. I won’t accept any excuses if this falls through. This is a make it or break it for you, do you understand?”

Drawing a deep breath, Hux straightened his back and replied: “I understand. I won’t let you down.”

* * *

“Are you excited?” asked Phasma a week later. She was sitting cross-legged on Hux’s sofa with Millicent curled up next to her and watching him pack for his trip the next day. Thankfully, she had accepted the responsibility of taking care of Millie while he was away.

“I don’t think excited is the right word,” he replied as he put three neatly rolled-up jumpers into his suitcase. “Intrigued, more like, and a little apprehensive.”

“You’re allowed to be excited, you know,” she told him, scratching Millicent’s neck and chin until she flopped over and let Phasma rub her tummy.

“It’s a job.”

“But it’s also an adventure and you should enjoy yourself.”

“I will,” he assured her.

Hux was confident he would enjoy himself. He just wasn’t one to show it much, and he also didn’t know what he was in for. He had no idea whatsoever to expect from Ren. But he was curious. Of course, he was. At this point, he had spent months researching and he wanted answers. He wanted to know everything about the mysterious man behind the bottled message.

“Have you done any research on the town he’s in?” asked Phasma.

“A little. It’s a small seaside town. It looks very quaint. I’m expecting it to be much like Arkanis, but hopefully with less rain,” he said, getting down on his knees on the floor to roll up his trousers and put them in the suitcase as well. “It’s a good thing the town is so small since I don’t have an address for him. I can probably just ask around.”

“What do you think he’s like?” Phasma questioned further. “He doesn’t look very approachable in the photo of that article.”

Hux huffed a small laugh, thinking of the hulking dark figure in the picture. “No, he doesn’t, does he?”

“But neither are you, so I’m sure you’ll be best of friends in no time!” she winked at him.

Hux glared back at her. “Get away from the mean lady, Millie,” he said. And Millicent - ever the daddy’s girl - jumped down from the sofa and stroked up against Hux before she settled down on top of the clothes in the suitcase.

* * *

The trip to Connecticut was a long one. There was first the train ride with several changes from Arkanis to Heathrow airport, followed by the flight to Chicago, then the flight to Hartford in Connecticut, and finally the bus ride from there to Endor Springs.

By the time Hux reached his destination - eighteen hours after he left home - he was so worn out from the travelling that all he had the energy for was to check into his low-cost hotel and go straight to his room. He couldn’t even be bothered taking a shower or unpacking his toothbrush; just rid himself of his clothes and dived into bed, where it only took seconds before he was fast asleep.

The next morning, Hux woke up just before five in the morning, feeling wide awake, and although he was an early riser, this was earlier than even he preferred. Cursing the jetlag, he turned from his side over on his back and groaned as his muscles protested after the little movement they had gotten the day before. He lied still for a moment, staring at the ceiling, before slowly getting out of bed to stretch his long limbs. His neck and legs especially had suffered from travelling, so he paid extra attention to those areas. It was never comfortable for someone of his height to be on a plane as there was never enough leg space.

Once finished stretching, he went into the bathroom, which he had only seen briefly the night before in order to use the loo. It wasn’t fancy, but it was fresh and neat and when he turned on the shower, he was blessed by excellent water pressure. The almost scalding water further loosened up his stiff muscles and he took his time, soaping himself up and scrubbing his skin.

With his face turned up into the spray, Hux closed his eyes and let his mind wander, soon enough conjuring up a fantasy as his hand found his cock and began stroking it to hardness.

Although he hadn’t had a partner in a long time, it didn’t mean that Hux didn’t have a healthy sexual relationship with himself. He still very much enjoyed fantasising about potential partners. A recurring fantasy was that of a man settled between his legs with Hux’s cock in his mouth and Hux telling them exactly what he wanted.

That fantasy was what drove him now: envisioning a featureless man on his knees in front of him with his lips stretched around Hux’s cock as he took him deep. Hux braced himself with one hand against the hot bathroom tiles and swiftly moved his hand over himself, picturing a warm and enthusiastic mouth doing the job. He panted, his fingers on the tiles clawing as the climax started to build in him. Pleasure pooled in his lower belly and his skin tingled. Seconds later he came with a soft moan, spilling over his hand.

He rested his forehead against the shower wall after, catching his breath and letting the water clean him off again. Before turning it off, he spent another few minutes allowing himself to be caressed by the warmth of the shower. When he eventually stepped out, he wrapped a towel around his waist and used another to dry his hair.

Checking the hotel information on the desk opposite the queen-size bed, he found that breakfast didn’t start for another hour, at six-thirty. He, therefore, took his time unpacking his suitcase, hanging his clothes in the closet and putting the toiletries away in the bathroom. The bottled message had been kept safe in his carry-on when he travelled. He hadn't wanted to put it in his suitcase in case it got lost.

By the time breakfast started, Hux had already waited outside the dining hall for five minutes and he was the only person there at this hour. He couldn’t say he was surprised by that. With such a small town and it being out of season, he couldn’t imagine there were a whole lot of guests at the hotel. They served a basic continental breakfast and he nodded politely at the server before grabbing a plate and helping himself to a roll, some cheese and ham and a cup of coffee.

As he had arrived late in the evening the night before, Hux hadn’t seen or paid much attention to his surroundings, but sitting down at his table by the window in the hotel dining hall, he was treated to a lovely view of a deserted beach, a still ocean and a currently rising sun.

Knowing he had plenty of time, he had a leisurely breakfast and enjoyed a second cup of coffee. The breakfast itself might not be that much to write home about, but the coffee was, in fact, excellent.

Once finished eating, Hux returned to his room to prepare himself for the first day of hopefully making contact with Kylo Ren. He packed the bottled message and the article into his leather bag, along with his Moleskine notepad. He also made sure that his phone was fully charged. While he didn’t really expect to get an interview at this point, he saw it best to be prepared.

He decided to ask the hotel receptionist first, thinking it was as good a place as any to start.

“Excuse me,” Hux said as he approached the receptionist - a middle-aged woman with a kind face and blonde hair in a loose updo.

“Good morning, sir,” she replied. “How may I help you?”

“I’m looking for someone who lives in town,” explained Hux, digging into his leather bag to find the article. He placed it on the reception desk and pointed to Ren in the photo. “This man. His name is Kylo Ren. Would you happen to know him?”

The receptionist studied the photo, narrowing a pair of blue eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know him. Endor Springs is a small town, but I don’t know everyone. I do, however, know _him_ and he will probably know your man." She pointed to an elderly man with a beard and a wide smile at the very front of the group of people in the photo.

Hux read his name in the caption: Lor San Tekka. "Where can I find him?"

"Around," she smiled. "Lor does work for anyone who needs it, but he also spends a lot of time at _Norric's_."

Questioningly, Hux raised his eyebrows. "_Norric's_?"

"It's a combined restaurant and bar in the town square. It isn't too far to walk from here. Just follow the signs to the square. You can't miss it," she helpfully explained.

"Thank you," Hux nodded, putting the article back into his bag and hoisting it onto his shoulder.

Endor Springs was really showing off its best side to Hux that morning, making sure to give him a proper welcome. It was sunny and mild and you could smell that spring was just around the corner. The town was beautiful and serene and although it had its obvious similarities with Arkanis - being a coastal town - it was also completely different. Where Arkanis was grey, wet and windy, Endor Springs was warm and golden.

There weren't a lot of people about, but Hux assumed most of the town's inhabitants were at work at this time of day. As he made his way to _Norric's_, his thoughts wandered to Ren. He was somewhere in this town and the thought of it gave Hux something similar to butterflies. It was strange, but he felt like he knew the man somehow. The bottled message - safe in his bag - had given him intimate knowledge about him, while he in return knew nothing of Hux, not even that he existed.

Finding _Norric's_ was just as easy as the receptionist had said. After a fifteen-minute stroll from the hotel, Hux found himself at the town square - one of those he had seen in cheesy American films but never really believed were real. It was a small park more than a square, to be fair, with a white bandstand gazebo in the middle. As spring hadn't bloomed yet, there was a lack of greenery, but it was still charming and Hux could easily envision it being beautiful in summer.

_Norric’s_ turned out not just to be a bar and a restaurant, but also a cafe. They clearly served everything and everyone, likely depending on the hour. It had a warm and cosy atmosphere with dimmed lights and comfortable furniture, and Hux immediately felt at home. Taking a look around the room, Hux saw only one person (except the man behind the counter) and that person looked just like the man in the photo with Ren: elderly with short, white hair and a nicely trimmed, white beard.

Hux crossed the room to get to him, and the man looked up when he was approached. He had a large cup of black coffee in front of him and some papers and Hux wondered if he used this place as his makeshift office. "Pardon me, are you Mr San Tekka?"

"I certainly am," he replied with a welcoming smile, gesturing to the chair across from him for Hux to sit down, which Hux did.

Once sat, Hux explained: "My name is Armitage Hux. The receptionist at my hotel told me you might be able to help me."

"You've certainly come a long way just for my help," he chuckled.

"Pardon?"

"Your accent. You're from England, right?" he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Oh, yes. Yes, I am," said Hux, finally understanding but without clarifying further.

"It would be too bad if you came all this way and I couldn't help. What can I do for you?”

"I'm looking for someone, a young man named Kylo Ren. Do you know him?"

Mr San Tekka gave him a secretive smile. "I might. What do you want with him?"

Hux didn't want to come right out and tell him about the bottled message, neither did he want to reveal that he was a journalist just yet, so he chose his words carefully. "I found something that belongs to him, and I would like to return it."

Mr San Tekka leaned forward in his chair then, folded his hands in front of him on the table and studied Hux, although not in a scrutinising manner. After a moment of thoughtful silence, he said, "You'll find him down at the harbour, on his boat."

"His boat?"

"Yes, he has a houseboat. He spends most of his time there when he’s not working." He quickly scribbled something down on the corner of one of his papers, ripped it off and handed it to Hux. "That's his spot."

"Thank you. You’ve been very helpful,” said Hux, reaching out to shake the man’s hand, who accepted.

As Hux stood up to leave, Mr San Tekka stopped him by gently putting a hand on his arm. "Fair warning: Kylo doesn't like strangers that much - especially strangers asking questions."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's finally meeting in the next chapter? And who wants to guess how Kylo will react?


	3. Chapter 3

The harbour took Hux back in the direction of the ocean. It was surprisingly large for such a small town, stretching from just past where his hotel was and down the coastal line of Endor Springs. Although it clearly had a practical use, it was - just like the rest of the town - very charming with its wooden docks and railings decorated with lights. Walking along the docks, Hux was relieved that Mr San Tekka had given him Ren's boat spot, or he might have ended up going boat to boat trying to find him.

It was a bit of a walk to get to his spot, once again confirming to Hux that this wasn’t a man that liked or wanted attention. When he finally found it, he was rather surprised by the look of the houseboat. He had never actually seen one before in person and wasn’t quite sure what he had expected, but it looked rather nice and a little bit quirky. It was one storey and seemingly very compact, but it had a lovely little deck in front (or perhaps a terrace - Hux wasn’t sure what to call the parts of such a hybrid home) and a number of circular, white-trimmed windows.

On deck - squatting so Hux couldn't see him at first - Hux spotted the man who could be none other than Kylo Ren. He was wearing all black, just like in the photo of the article, and he looked to be working on something. When Hux saw him, his heart rate suddenly picked up, his nerves setting in. He normally wasn't nervous when he approached anyone - after all, talking to people was part of his job - but now he suddenly felt a little on edge. It was understandable, perhaps, considering how much time and energy he had put into researching before coming here.

Hux cleared his throat, catching the attention of the man. He looked up, his thick mane of black hair falling away and revealing his pale face along with a large scar that ran from above his right eyebrow, down his cheek and chin and disappeared into the neckline of the worn, paint-stained jumper he was wearing. The scarred face vaguely reminded Hux of Snoke, but he was otherwise nothing like his editor in chief. Scowling, Ren slowly rose to his full height. From the photo, Hux had been aware that Ren was a large man, but he was even bigger than he had thought; taller than himself - likely by a couple of inches - and so much broader. He was clearly well-toned, his muscles easily visible under his jumper.

Hux swallowed.

"Who are you?" Ren asked in a deep voice, eyeing Hux with clear distrust.

"My name is Armitage Hux," replied Hux, taking a couple of steps closer to the houseboat.

"What do you want?"

"Well," Hux began, "I'm here because I want to talk to you. Do you mind if I come aboard?"

"Yeah, I do," said Ren, staring at him as if daring him to do just that.

Trying to convince him, Hux went on: "It would be a lot easier to talk if we could sit down."

"You don't get it, do you? I don't want to talk to you," Ren made clear.

He was being incredibly dismissive and, frankly, rather rude, and under normal circumstances, Hux would have given him a piece of his mind. But Hux needed to win him over somehow and being snarky in return would hardly help his case.

"Please," said Hux, a word he rarely used. "I have something I need to show you."

Ren actually rolled his eyes at that. "Sure you do, but I'm not interested in seeing it. Now, get the fuck out of here or I will call the police on you for trespassing."

"If you would just let me-" Hux tried. He went for the messaged bottle hidden in his bag but before he had time to pull it out, Ren had disappeared inside his houseboat and slammed the door shut behind him.

Hux was left standing on the dock with a stupid expression on his face. After Mr San Tekka's warning, he had expected Ren to be difficult but not downright hostile. What was he going to do now? Stepping onto the boat to try and get Ren to come back out probably wasn't a good idea. Hux believed him when he said he would call the police. But he needed to get him talking somehow.

Thinking for a moment, Hux realised there was only one thing he could do. He needed Ren to know that he had found the bottle, and if Ren wouldn't listen to him he would have to show him. So he pulled his notepad out of his bag and quickly scribbled _"I'm staying at Endor Springs Inn. Hux" _on a note. He then took the message in a bottle out of the bag and placed it on the deck of Ren's houseboat with the note securely underneath it. And then he left.

* * *

After the encounter with Ren, Hux had taken a stroll around Endor Springs before returning to his hotel, where he had first taken a nap and then had dinner. It was nearing nine o'clock in the evening and he had pretty much given up hope of seeing anything more of Ren that day, so he was sat on the bed, zapping through the television channels trying to find something entertaining to watch. To make himself comfortable, he had kicked off his shoes and socks and was only in his undershirt.

That was, of course, when there was a knock on the door. Hux scrambled a little to get to his feet, hoping it was Ren and opened the door.

It was indeed Ren standing in the corridor of the hotel, leaning heavily on the doorframe with one hand. And in his other hand: the message in a bottle.

"Where did you get this?" he asked. He still had a menacing tone to his voice, but it was less so than before.

"I found it on the beach in Arkanis," Hux told him truthfully. He almost smiled, but he didn't want to show Ren just how happy he was that he had turned up. It might scare him away again.

Ren frowned, the scar above his right eyebrow stretching. "Where the fuck is Arkanis?"

"England."

Ren fell silent then, fixing his gaze on the floor for a moment. When he looked up again his deep-set brown eyes suddenly looked softer. "So what you're saying is that you came all the way to Endor Springs because of this?'

Hux couldn't be certain, but he thought Ren sounded hopeful.

"Yes," he replied.

Another moment of silence fell between them, where Ren simply stared at Hux and Hux became very aware of what a slob he must look like with half of his clothes off and his fringe in his face. He got a sudden urge to push it out of his eyes but resisted.

"I never thought anyone would actually find it," Ren said. "It was just a stupid thing I decided to do one day."

"Stupid?" asked Hux.

"Yeah, you know," Ren shrugged. "I'd had a few beers and got all melancholic and shit and one thing led to another-"

Hux nodded slowly to show that he understood, although he didn't really, but he didn't want to push Ren at this stage. Yes, he was curious to know more, but they had just made contact and so this sliver of information would have to do for now.

Stretching his arm out, Ren shoved the bottle at Hux. "You found it, so you should keep it."

Hux accepted it silently, Ren's eyes flicking between him and the bottle.

Eventually, he said, "See you around, I guess." And then he skulked down the corridor before disappearing around a corner.

Once he was gone, Hux closed the door and leaned against it. Squeezing the bottle between his hands, that smile from before appeared on his face. It might not be much, but it was a start.

* * *

Hux took a chance the next day and decided to go and look for Ren at his houseboat. Once again, he was on the deck working, wearing the same paint-stained pull-over as the day before.

“Good morning,” said Hux as he approached the houseboat.

Looking mildly surprised to see him, Ren greeted him back: “Oh, hey.”

He stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans.

"How's it going?" he asked a little awkwardly, but it was a major improvement from the day before, so Hux took it.

"Very well. And yourself?"

“Not too bad. Just doing some painting.”

Hux craned his neck to get a better view of the deck, where he spotted a can of paint and a paintbrush. It certainly explained the paint-stained everything Ren was wearing.

“Do you want to come aboard?” Ren asked then, eyeing Hux carefully as if deciding whether he was worthy.

“Am I allowed today?”

It was a little cheeky, but Hux hoped that an attempt at humour might relax the tension he could still feel coming from Ren.

Ren nodded, seemingly not taking the joke, and Hux stepped onto the houseboat via the narrow walkboard. Ren found a collapsible chair for Hux, who took his seat while Ren kneeled on the deck and picked up the paintbrush.

Hux crossed his legs, folded his hands in front of his knees and watched Ren work in silence for a moment before he asked, “Is there a lot of upkeep having a houseboat?”

“Some,” replied Ren without looking at him, instead concentrating on giving the railing of the boat even coats of paint. “For obvious reasons, it gets weathered faster than your average house does. But it’s smaller than a house, so it probably evens out.”

“The view is excellent,” Hux pointed out as he looked out at the grey-green sea, where the light was reflected on the water. It couldn't be too bad, he thought, waking up to this every morning; to the view of the sun rising above the horizon and the comforting sound of waves lapping at the hull.

"You should see the sunset," said Ren, his gaze following Hux’s to the water.

He seemed to be a bit of a contradiction. On the outside, he was this hulking, menacing mass of a man, but some of the things Hux had already heard him say, simply didn’t fit that image. Not to mention the bottled message. There was tenderness behind that harsh mask. Hux was sure of it.

"I bet it's better than Arkanis," Hux said amused.

"No ocean views in Arkanis?" Ren questioned him curiously.

"Oh no, we have plenty of ocean view - it's a coastal town. It's just very… grey."

Arkanis was famous for its foul and moody weather. Even for English standards, it was bad.

A crooked smile crossed Ren's face and Hux couldn't help but notice how much more handsome that made him look. It wasn't that he was unattractive to begin with, he just wasn't attractive in the conventional sense of the word. He had a stern face with very particular features: a large, aquiline nose, a constant scowl and pouty lips. And it was all topped with a number of beauty marks.

He grimaced then. "I should probably say sorry about yesterday. I was kind of rude."

You were indeed, Hux thought to himself, but he wasn't about to call Ren out on it. Instead, he said, "No harm done."

"I just really don’t like-”

“Strangers?” Hux interrupted him.

Ren huffed. “That obvious, huh?”

“Fairly obvious, but I was also warned.”

“Warned? By who?”

“I spoke to Mr San Tekka at _Norric’s_. He told me where to find you.”

Growling, Ren muttered under his breath: “Typical Lor. Can't keep his mouth shut.”

"I don't believe he meant any harm," Hux said, sitting up in his chair.

"No, but he should know better. He knows I prefer to stay away from-"

"Strangers," Hux once again interrupted, this time with a slight smirk.

Ren looked at him with raised eyebrows, but then he grinned and shook his head.

“You’re something else. Not like the strangers I try to stay away from,” he pointed out.

That peaked Hux’s curiosity. Sensing he might be able to coax some more information out of Ren, he asked, “No? Do you get a lot of bothersome strangers on your doorstep?”

“Not here,” replied Ren.

Hux waited for him to elaborate on the topic, but he didn’t, so Hux took a different approach.

“Have you lived in Endor Springs all your life?”

Ren shook his head, continuing his steady paint strokes on the railing. “I’ve lived here a couple of years. I grew up in New York.”

He really didn’t reveal much, but the few drips he let slip would eventually lead to a bigger story. Hux simply had to wait and he was okay with that. He had a lot of patience.

* * *

Kylo (as Hux had quickly started referring to him as) turned out to be quite welcoming once the two of them got talking. It was no doubt because of the bottled message. Hux didn't believe for a single second that Kylo would ever have wanted to talk to him beyond their initial interaction if it wasn't for that. But it hadn't been mentioned since that first evening he showed up at Hux's hotel room, and Hux wondered when it would be brought up again. They had to talk about it at some point. It was the entire reason he was there and Kylo knew that.

Perhaps, Hux thought, Kylo was embarrassed. He did say that it had been a drunken impulse but Hux wasn't sure he believed that. That message was too carefully crafted to just be a stray thought from a temporary gloomy mind. No, if Kylo was embarrassed, it had to because someone had found the message at all. And Hux knew that because if the roles were reversed - if he was the one who had tossed that bottle into the ocean - then he would have been terrified.

* * *

"_Norric's_ is pretty good on Saturday nights," said Kylo on Hux's third day in Endor Springs.

They were once again on the deck of his houseboat, Kylo doing some more work to prepare it for spring and Hux sitting on the collapsible chair with his coat tightly wrapped around him. It was colder today - overcast and a bit of a breeze - but Kylo didn't seem to notice and Hux didn't want to say anything.

"What happens there on Saturday nights that's so good?" Hux asked.

"Just the usual: music, dancing, drinks, sometimes they have a live band."

Hux cocked his head to the side and studied Kylo. "Are you telling me you're a dancer?"

Kylo met his eyes and made a face. "Not that much anymore. Hey, are you cold?"

Noticing the way Hux was trying to warm himself up by rubbing his arms with his hands, he went inside the houseboat and returned with a blanket, which he handed to Hux.

"Thank you," said Hux, smiling at the unexpected sweet gesture. He wrapped the blanket around himself like a cloak, quickly becoming warmer.

"So," began Kylo, licking his lips. "Do you want to try _Norric's?"_

Hux blinked at Kylo. Was he asking him out? Hux wasn’t certain if he wanted to and that in itself was strange enough. Normally, it was a hard _no_ to any sort of advances from men, but he supposed it wouldn’t be too bad being in Kylo's company for an evening.

"Why not,” he replied before he had time to think too much on it.

Grinning, Kylo said, "Tomorrow at seven then. Meet me there."

* * *

Hux only fussed a little over what to wear Saturday evening, finally landing on a pair of grey slacks and a green jumper and spending just a little more time than normal on his hair. He studied himself in the bathroom mirror, questioning for the first time in years whether he looked good, but then rolled his eyes and shook his head.

He entered _Norric’s_ at seven pm on the dot. It looked pretty much the same as the first time he was there, only there were quite a few more people. Some were dining together, some were sat at the bar having a drink, all of them looked like they enjoyed themselves.

Hux let his eyes sweep across the room, spotting Kylo hunched at the bar while nursing a beer and chatting to the bartender. He wasn’t wearing his paint-stained clothes tonight, rather a pair of black jeans and a plain, white t-shirt which wasn’t shy about showing off his toned arms. A green army-style jacket was casually thrown over the back of his bar stool. His hair looked different too. It had been so messy - although not bad-looking - when he was working. Now it was styled and looked soft, like something Hux wouldn’t altogether be against running his hands through.

He sighed at his little fantasy and at the same time, Kylo looked at his wristwatch, turned his head to the door and smiled when he saw Hux standing there. He lifted his hand in greeting and Hux walked over to him.

“Hey,” Kylo greeted him.

“Good evening,” replied Hux.

Smirking, Kylo said, "You're so English.”

Hux cocked an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Like _that._ You're so polite."

"I can not be polite, if you prefer," Hux pointed out. And he certainly could. He could be cold to the point of giving people frost bites if he wanted to.

“As tempting as that sounds, I’ll hold off on that offer,” said Kylo, instead pointing to his nearly empty beer and asking: “Do you want one?”

“Yes, thank you,” Hux replied.

Kylo turned back to the bar and called to the bartender: “Hey Jess! Two more!”

The bartender - Jess - gave a nod in his direction and filled two glasses with the foaming liquid at his request. Once they had their beers in hand, Kylo lead Hux over to a table in the corner. Private, Hux couldn't help thinking.

“You were right. This place is nice on Saturdays,” he said once they were seated. He sipped at his beer. It was light and thirst-quenching, easy to drink.

"I told you so. I'm not much for people, but _Norric's_ is good."

"People can be pretty awful," Hux chimed in, sympathising fully with Kylo.

"I'll drink to that," said Kylo, clinking his glass with Hux's.

When they were on their second and third beers respectively, Kylo put his elbows on the table, leaned forward and locked his deep brown eyes with Hux's green.

"How did you find me exactly?" he asked. There was curiosity in his voice, but not hostility, and Hux could, of course, understand why he wanted to know.

"You weren't easy to find," he admitted, "but after doing some research, I found an article from the local newspaper about a Habitat for Humanity project. There was a photo and you were in it."

Hux didn't admit, however, just how much time and work he had put into that research.

Kylo nodded slowly. "I think that's the only photo of me. Lor insisted."

Knitting his brows, Hux asked: "Have you never been in a photo before?"

"Of course I have. Just not like this." He shook his head. "Nevermind. It's a long story."

Hux had absolutely no idea what he meant. Was he referring to his scar? He allowed himself to have a closer look at it. It dominated a large part of Kylo’s face and yet, it somehow didn’t make him look unattractive. Quite the opposite, it added to his already interesting features. It wasn't completely new, but not particularly old either. Hux was eager to know more but didn't ask. Kylo clearly didn't want to reveal anything else at the moment.

"It's very admirable that you do that kind of work," Hux told him, changing the subject.

"Is it?" Kylo asked. His eyes left Hux and his voice dropped even lower, a sudden darkness emerging as he seemed to question himself.

"Of course it is," Hux assured him. "You're helping other people."

"Anyone can hammer some nails."

"Anyone can, but not everyone does."

Kylo's gaze came back to meet Hux's again. He looked at him for a long time. Such a long time, in fact, that Hux felt the need to look away, but he couldn’t quite tear his eyes away from Kylo.

Then Kylo suddenly smiled, pointed to Hux’s empty glass and asked, "Another one?"

Hux should probably slow down a little - he wasn't a big drinker - but right now there was confidence to be found in that alcohol, and he felt like he needed it, so he nodded.

Nearing the end of that third glass of beer, when Hux was starting to feel a buzz, the only other familiar face in Endor Springs turned up at their table.

"I see you two found each other," Mr San Tekka said in a bright tone of voice, smiling cheekily. He was holding a half-empty glass of beer in his hand.

Kylo narrowed his eyes at him. "Thanks to you, I heard."

Mr San Tekka patted Kylo on the shoulder. "Kind of you to give me credit for that, my boy."

"Mhm," Kylo mumbled back at him, rolling his eyes.

When Hux had first told Kylo that Mr San Tekka - or Lor, as Kylo referred to him as - had revealed where he lived, Kylo had actually appeared to be upset about it. But seeing the two of them together now, it didn’t seem like Kylo was mad at him at all. It looked like he was pretending to be, almost like a son would.

“Don’t be so grumpy. You need to socialise more,” Lor told him.

“For fuck’s sake,” sighed Kylo, leaning back in his chair and taking a long sip of his beer, but he didn’t tell him to stop.

Turning to Hux, Lor explained: “He’s got this lone wolf thing going on, you see. He doesn’t get out much.”

“He’s here though,” Hux pointed out, finding himself defending Kylo, who - across the table - raised his eyebrows at him.

Lor huffed. “_Norric’s_ doesn’t count. He knows everyone here.”

“He doesn’t know me.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Lor winked at him.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Kylo interrupted, actually putting his hands on the elderly man and pushing him away. “Time for you to go back to your table, old man.”

“Oh yes, it seems it’s definitely time for me to be somewhere else,” he chuckled. To Hux: “Nice to see you again.”

“You too,” replied Hux, who couldn’t help but smile at his eccentricities.

“Have fun, you two!” Lor called over his shoulder as he walked away.

“See? I told you he can’t keep his mouth shut,” said Kylo, running his hand through his hair.

Hux eyed him over his disappointingly empty glass of beer. “Lone wolf?”

“Don’t-” Kylo warned, clearly expecting to be teased.

“No-no, it’s just funny,” Hux said. “My best friend calls me that too. I’ve never understood what’s so bad about it. I think she’s afraid that I’ll die alone and that my cat will eat my eyeballs.”

Kylo laughed.

“Ridiculous, right? Millicent won’t eat my eyeballs. She’ll die before I do.”

“You have a cat named Millicent?” Kylo asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Yes. I adopted her from a shelter four years ago. She wasn’t very social, so no one wanted her. I could relate, so I decided to take her in,” he explained.

He had, in fact, decided to adopt a cat after his relationship with Poe ended and he moved back to Arkanis. He was sad and felt lonely and thought a pet might help. Millicent was the perfect choice. No one seemed to like her and she liked no one. They got along perfectly.

Kylo listened to him talk while resting his chin in the palm of his hand. When Hux realised he was going on about his cat, he immediately stopped talking, afraid Kylo might find it boring - or worse, think he was some crazy cat person.

“I’m sorry, I’m babbling,” he apologised, his face flushing.

“Don’t worry, I like it,” said Kylo, getting up from the table and heading for the bar again. And Hux was thankful for it because his words made him blush even more.

Close to midnight and with six beers in his system, Hux was cheerfully tipsy and no longer worried about babbling or anything else he said or did. It was a very rare feeling for him. Unfortunately, midnight was also when _Norric’s_ closed, forcing Kylo and Hux to call it a night.

“I’ll walk you back to your hotel,” said Kylo once they were outside. And Hux, who normally would have declined that, didn’t protest.

Hux was bundled up in his wool coat - cold as usual - while Kylo hadn’t even closed his jacket.

“Don’t you ever get cold?” Hux asked him, almost offended, as they walked together in the quiet darkness of the night.

Kylo shrugged. “It takes a lot more than this. What, are you cold?”

“I’m always cold,” Hux pouted, digging his hands deep into the pockets of his coat.

“Do you want my jacket too?”

Hux’s common sense reminded him that he should say no - that if he said yes, Kylo would be left in his t-shirt only - but he was cold and a little drunk and so he accepted.

Kylo took his jacket off and gave it to Hux, who put it around his shoulders.

“Thank you,” Hux told him.

It didn’t take long to walk back to the hotel and as they crossed the street to get to the entrance, Hux stumbled on the curb. To avoid falling, he had to grab onto whatever was nearest to him, which - in this case - happened to be Kylo. He latched onto Kylo’s upper arm with both hands and only just managed to not let out an embarrassing yelp. In return, Kylo grabbed Hux’s shoulder with his other hand to steady him.

Hux froze, staring at the spot where he was holding onto Kylo, his fingers digging into the warm skin of his bicep. Then he looked up at Kylo's face and Hux thought to himself that his eyes were very pretty and that they softened the rest of his harsh facial features.

“Are you okay?” asked Kylo and only then did Hux manage to snap himself out of his trance and let go of Kylo’s arm.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled embarrassed. “Too many beers.”

Kylo chuckled. “Bit of a lightweight, huh?”

“I’m not a lightweight!” Hux immediately protested, but when Kylo arched a doubting eyebrow, he admitted, “Fine, maybe I am.”

“Go sleep it off. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Hux nodded, removed Kylo’s jacket from around his shoulders and handed it back to him. Then he walked towards the hotel entrance.

“Wait,” said Kylo behind him and Hux turned to face him again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Shoving his hands into the pockets of jeans, Kylo asked him quietly and with a deep frown: “What did you think… when you found the bottle?”

Surprised at the sudden question and in his current state, Hux had to take a moment before he replied. “Surprise. Excitement. It's not every day you find a message in a bottle." He went on: "But then I read the message and it seemed… sad."

He vividly remembered the feeling of loneliness that had struck him when he first read it.

A pair of rich brown eyes full of emotion looked at Hux intensely. The hairs on Hux's arms stood on edge. He didn’t say anything and neither did Kylo.

Eventually, Kylo simply turned and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like tripping on the curb and having to grab onto Kylo's bicep to support yourself, amIright? ;)


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Hux slept in. When he woke up, he blinked at the strip of sun coming through the gap in the heavy curtains. He lied like that for a while, letting his head properly come to from its groggy state. Somehow it still felt like it was spinning from the night before. He rubbed his eyes with his palms, sighing. It wasn't like him at all to so quickly feel comfortable in another man’s company. He didn’t know what it was about Kylo that made him so easily charmed by him, but he was. Charmed, that is.

Stretching his hand out to grab his phone from the nightstand, he found a text from Phasma.

> _How is everything going? Call me! PS: Millicent misses you._

Hux smiled and quickly typed back:

> _I'll call you later when I know you're off work._

Looking at the time on his phone then, Hux realised that breakfast ended in less than half an hour, so he hurried to the dining hall so as not to miss it.

Once back from breakfast, he found his Moleskin notebook and started writing down the information he had on Kylo so far. It wasn't much, but he thought it best to write it down anyway. He didn't want to forget.

When he was done, he leaned back in the wooden chair, tossed the pen on the desk and ran both hands over his hair. The previous night had been lovely, but it had ended on a strange note. Kylo had reacted with so much emotion when Hux had told him he thought the bottled message was sad. He hadn't said anything though. And the way he had just walked off...

It was silly, really, but Hux was afraid that Kylo was disappointed. It was clear that the message meant a lot more to him than he let on. And if Kylo had hoped that someone would actually find it - if he truly was looking for someone _beautiful_, then perhaps he had been let down when he realised that Hux was the one who had found the bottle.

Hux didn't doubt his looks that often. He didn't praise them either, it simply was what it was. But for some reason, Kylo made him question himself. Kylo was attractive, fit, an alpha male in every aspect of the word - even his hostility was fascinating in its own way.

While Hux… Hux was ghostly pale and narrow-shouldered, and while he ran regularly, he wasn't toned like Kylo was. He was soft and skinny.

Maybe that was why Kylo initially had brushed the case of the bottle aside and sometimes turned standoffish. Maybe it was because he had hoped someone else would turn up.

And all this was even more silly when Hux thought about the real reason why he was in Endor Springs. He was there for a story, not for romance. And yet, he couldn't help himself longing for it; for Kylo to want him.

Feeling an overwhelming need to think about something else, Hux went to the closet and pulled his workout gear and running shoes out of it. Right now, he was very happy he had decided to bring it with him because he needed to distract himself. He tossed his clothes carelessly on the bed and quickly changed into the running ones.

Outside the hotel, he stretched before he set off down the beach from the hotel, in the opposite direction of where Kylo's houseboat was.

He pushed himself a little extra, running faster and harder than normal, to the point where he could hear his pulse hammering in his ears and the taste of iron started to form in his mouth. He ran until he was forced to stop; until he was so winded he had to sit down in the coarse, wet sand of the beach to catch his breath properly.

Still breathing heavily, he rested his arms on his knees and looked out at the magnificent ocean in front of him extending for what seemed like forever. It was quite daunting to think that it stretched from here to England and it was downright absurd to think that a small bottle had travelled all the way from the shores of Endor Springs to the shores of Arkanis - from Kylo's hands to Hux's.

He sat contemplating for a while before he started to feel cold and jogged back towards the hotel again, but instead of stopping there, his legs kept going past it and continued onto the docks.

Both the weather and the temperature was pleasant that day, so Hux expected to find Kylo on the deck of his houseboat again. But as he came down the dock where he was anchored, there was no one to be seen. Thinking he might be inside, after all, Hux stepped onto the boat, meaning to knock on the door. But before he could do just that, he spotted a note hanging on the door. Curious, Hux leaned closer to read it:

> _Hux,_
> 
> _I have to do some work today but come by tonight at six if you want dinner._
> 
> _Kylo_

Hux blinked at the note. Dinner? That was a surprise. He had never expected Kylo to invite him to dinner - at home even. Could that possibly mean something? Maybe it was just to smooth over the somewhat awkward goodbye from the previous night. Either way, it didn’t take him long to decide that he would go. He snatched the note off the door, folded it neatly and put it in the pocket of his running jacket. As he stepped off the houseboat again, he wondered if Kylo was a good cook. He assumed he must at least be a decent one. He couldn't be too sloppy with his diet considering his… physique.

A sudden heat rose in Hux's face at the thought of Kylo's body, his mind flashing back to how firm his biceps had felt when he had gripped onto him the night before. He could vividly imagine what Kylo could do with that strength.

He inhaled sharply and pursed his lips, willing his thoughts away from the path they were about to head down. This wasn't the time or the place. Instead, he jogged back to the hotel where he immediately got in the shower.

Once out of the shower and having dried off, Hux checked the time and decided to call Phasma.

She picked up on the third ring.

“Hello, stranger!” she said, sounding chipper.

“Hi,” he replied, “How is everything?”

“Same old. Nothing special happening at work. Millicent is doing good. She’s sitting in the windowsill, staring at me.”

“Give her a pat for me, will you?” Hux asked her.

“Hang on.” There was a pause and Hux could hear her move. Then she said off the phone: “Daddy says hi.” Once again to Hux: “She says hi back.”

Hux smiled, sitting down on the bed. “Thank you.”

“So,” Phasma began and Hux could practically feel the crackling curiosity through the phone. “What’s happening with your story? Have you met the mysterious Kylo Ren yet?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God, tell me everything. What is he like?”

Hux let out a laugh as he settled himself into a more comfortable position on the bed. “He’s… different.”

“Different how?” Phasma pushed.

“He’s just not what I thought he would be like. He comes across kind of menacing, but he’s actually quite nice.”

And handsome, he thought to himself, but he wasn’t about to throw that can of petrol onto the Phasma fire. Instead, he said, “And you’ll love this: he lives on a houseboat.”

“What on earth. Is he some kind of eccentric?”

Hux chuckled. “No, he just likes his personal space.”

“But you’ve talked. Does that mean you have gotten any backstory on him yet?”

Hux shook his head, although Phasma couldn’t see him. “Only a few hints. He’s clearly cautious about sharing.”

“I told you he was hiding something. You’ve got to get it out of him.”

It took Hux a little while to reply. He thought about the things Kylo had said so far and felt a slight gnawing pain in his stomach. Still, he said to Phasma: “I will.”

* * *

Just before six o’clock, Hux made his way from the hotel to Kylo’s houseboat. He was having mixed feelings of nervousness and excitement; feelings he vaguely recognised but hadn’t been acquainted with in years. He both wanted to push those feelings away and to embrace them.

There was a window in Kylo’s door and although he had put up a curtain in front of it, there was still a small gap where you could see inside and Hux could just make out Kylo on the other side of it. He watched him for a moment, then drew a deep breath and knocked.

Kylo opened for him, saying: “I’m glad you came.”

“Anything to avoid another meal at the hotel,” Hux replied.

Kylo held the door open for him, letting him inside. “So you’re only here because the hotel food sucks?”

Realising how dismissive his comment must have come across, Hux quickly rectified himself by saying: “Of course not. I came because you invited me.”

Kylo smiled at that. “Good,” he said, holding his hand out to take Hux’s coat.

Hux handed it to him and watched as he put it on a wall hanger next to the door. He tried to read Kylo, tried to figure out what it was he wanted, but he couldn’t. He was too distracted by his own foolish thoughts of youthful yearning.

He gave a silent sigh and looked around him. The houseboat was small, but it was cleverly built, using every inch of space in the best way. Near the door was a nook for sitting and dining, next to it a kitchenette with a surprising amount of storage and counter space. Past the kitchen was an open door where Hux could see the edge of a bed. He assumed the bathroom was in there as well. It was tight but it was functional and very cosy.

Kylo looked like a giant in this space though, so tall he almost hit the ceiling. With both of them together, they had no option but to be close.

"Do you need any help?" Hux asked as Kylo took his place in the kitchenette. He spotted two chicken fillets, rice and a number of vegetables on the counter.

"You can chop the vegetables," Kylo instructed. He found a cutting board and a knife, setting it up next to him for Hux to use.

"What kind of work did you do today?” asked Hux, getting a sudden domestic feeling as they both worked together on the food; Hux chopping the vegetables and Kylo slicing the chicken.

“I worked out of town,” explained Kylo. “We’re doing five houses for five different families.”

“Wow, that’s a lot.”

“Yeah, it’s the biggest project I’ve worked on so far. It’s going to take a while. When fall comes around and we’re done, I’ll be ready for a break and a deep tissue massage.”

Hux turned his head to look at Kylo, who was still slicing away at the chicken. His eyes trailed from the firm grip he had on the knife and continued up his partially exposed arm, watching how his muscles moved under his skin as he worked.

“Shit,” he suddenly blurted out as his own knife cut into his finger when he wasn’t paying attention. Blood came gushing out and he quickly removed it from the cutting board.

Next to him, Kylo whipped around and his brow immediately furrowed as he saw Hux’s bleeding finger. He instinctively grabbed onto Hux’s wrist, led him over to the sink, turned on the faucet and made Hux put his finger under the running water. It stung a little, but soon enough it cooled the cut down, numbing it.

“Let it bleed out in the water,” Kylo told him. “I’ll be right back.”

He disappeared into the bedroom but came right back again with a pack of plasters and a bottle of disinfectant.

“Is it still bleeding?” he asked.

“No,” replied Hux, turning off the faucet. Feeling silly for having cut himself and a little awkward about how Kylo was fussing over him, he added, “And I’m fine, really. You don’t have to-”

Kylo cut him off by grabbing his wrist again and this time leading him over to the sitting nook, where he made Hux sit down. Grabbing the disinfectant and the pack of plasters, he kneeled in front of him.

“Sit still,” Kylo commanded and Hux didn’t move a single muscle. Instead, he watched with owlish eyes as Kylo poured some disinfectant on a cotton pad, took hold of his hand and gently used the pad to clean the wound.

Looking up at him with eyes that only made Hux confused, Kylo asked, “Does it sting?”

Hux shook his head. It didn’t sting. It burned. Not the wound, but where Kylo held him there was a scorching sensation and it was spreading from his hand to his arm and coursing through the rest of his body. Hux wanted to touch him too. Kylo’s face was so close and he wanted to reach out and feel the warmth of his skin under his fingertips; wanted to run his hand through his lush, dark hair.

But he didn’t do it. He didn’t dare.

Just as gently as he had cleaned the wound, Kylo wrapped a plaster around Hux’s finger. He finished by carefully squeezing his hand.

“There. That should feel better.”

“Thank you,” said Hux. He got to his feet again, meaning to continue helping with the food, but Kylo stopped him by holding a hand up.

“You just sit right there while I do the rest,” he told him.

“I would like to help,” Hux pointed out. He hated to sit idly by while others worked. It made him feel useless.

“If you want to help, you can get glasses from that cupboard and the bottle of wine from that cupboard” - he pointed to the respective cupboards - “and pour us both a glass.”

“Okay.”

He brushed past Kylo to get the glasses and wine bottle. Hux wasn’t a wine connoisseur by any means, but he had a certain knowledge and he knew that the bottle of red wine he was now opening was on the pricier side.

“I take it you’re into wine,” he said, slowly pouring the rich, red liquid into the two glasses and pushing one towards Kylo.

Kylo shrugged. “My mom is into wine. She hosted a lot of parties.”

“Hosted?” Hux questioned carefully.

“I don’t see my parents that much anymore.”

That was something Hux could relate to. “Me neither. My mother passed away when I was just a boy and my father and I are estranged at this point.”

Kylo, now busy stirring a pot of all the goodness they had chopped up earlier, stopped what he was doing and turned to Hux. “Sorry about that. It must be hard.”

“Not really,” Hux admitted. “My father is an absolute tool. We’re estranged by my own choice.”

“In that case, sorry about your mom.”

“Thank you.”

Hux sipped his wine and watched as Kylo finished cooking their meal. It smelled heavenly and he was truly impressed when Kylo served him a plate of tasty-looking stir fry chicken with vegetables and rice.

“Dig in,” Kylo told him as he slid into place next to Hux. The sitting nook was small, once again forcing them to be close.

"This is delicious," said Hux after he had taken the first couple of bites. And it really was. It was just the right amount of spicy and the chicken was perfectly juicy. "You're a good cook."

"I try."

"You succeed."

"You're flattering me," Kylo smiled crookedly, while under the table his legs shifted. His knee bumped into Hux's, sending a jolt of electricity through Hux's body.

"I -" Hux tried, but he wasn't quite able to find his words, so instead he took a large bite of food to avoid having to talk at all.

“Tell me about England,” said Kylo once they were done eating and the plates had been cleared off the table and put in the sink. Now it was only the two of them and their wine glasses.

“It’s wet,” Hux commented.

Kylo chuckled. “Did I point out you how English you are?”

“Was that too polite for you?”

Now that they were clearly back to jokes, Hux felt more comfortable and confident.

“No, but it was very dry. And if that’s not an English trait, I don’t know what is.”

“You claim to know a lot about Englishmen.”

“I’ve been to London a few times,” Kylo said casually. He was leaning his shoulder against the wall, one of his feet tucked under the other leg and swirling his glass of wine in his hand.

“A few times? How many times is that exactly?” Hux pried. He had placed himself in the corner of the sitting nook, intimidated by being too close to Kylo, but now he was leaning forward, curious to know more.

“I know my way around.”

It seemed impossible for Kylo to answer a question straight. Hux suspected that was on purpose, but whether it was or not, it only made him want to know more.

"That doesn't mean you know every Englishman around," Hux pointed out a little smugly.

Kylo sipped lazily - nonchalantly - from his wine glass. "You mean, that doesn't mean I know you?"

Stunned by his words, by the sheer truth of them, Hux gulped. He couldn't answer - couldn't dive that deep within himself - so he quickly grabbed his glass from the table and took a massive gulp of wine.

"Careful there, Lightweight, or I'll have to carry you back to the hotel tonight," Kylo smirked.

Hux's eyes widened, then he scowled at Kylo.

"Shut up," he told him, and without thinking about it he pushed Kylo, who didn't move an inch.

Kylo laughed. "I didn't know you were one for violence."

"Only when I'm being made fun of," Hux hissed, pushing Kylo again - with both hands this time.

"Jesus Christ," said Kylo, grabbing onto both of Hux's wrists.

Hux tried to wiggle loose. It wasn't painful, just very firm, and Hux quickly realised that there was no way he would get free unless Kylo wanted him to.

"Let me go," Hux told him, trying to sound offended, while in reality, he was hyper-aware of Kylo's touch and in fact wouldn't mind if he kept holding onto him.

"Only if you promise not to push me again."

"I won't push you if you stop calling me Lightweight."

"Fair enough," said Kylo, letting go of Hux's slim wrists. Absentmindedly, Hux took to massaging them.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Kylo asked, suddenly sounding worried. He shifted in his seat, sitting up straighter and placing his wine glass on the table. His deep brown eyes stared intently at Hux's wrists, then met Hux's gaze.

"What? No, of course not," Hux replied, his breath catching at the back of his throat from the way Kylo looked at him - like Hux was something fragile he was afraid to break.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you," Kylo assured him, suddenly sounding very serious.

Hux licked his lips and although he was scared to ask, he said in a shaky voice: "So what’s the first thing you want to do?"

"This," he whispered back.

Kylo kept his eyes on him as he moved one hand up to cup Hux's cheek. He gently caressed his face, letting the calloused pad of his thumb softly swipe over Hux's cheekbone. And just like when he had cleaned the wound on his finger, Hux's skin flared up at Kylo's touch.

Hux could barely breathe as Kylo's pale face slowly came closer to his own, the subtle woody scent of his aftershave tickling Hux's nostrils. He tilted his head to the side, closed the distance between them and then his lips were on Hux's.

Kylo's mouth carefully and tryingly pressed against Hux's. Hux was too stunned at first to reciprocate, but after a few seconds, he found his bearings and managed to kiss Kylo back. God, his lips were so soft and cushiony.

Moving a little closer, Kylo let the hand that was cupping Hux's cheek slide to the nape of his neck where he lightly started to massage him. Hux's muscles were tense there and he groaned in pained delight at the relief Kylo offered.

The sound clearly spurred Kylo on and he parted his lips to testingly let his tongue run over Hux's lower lip. It tickled slightly and Hux shuddered, but he welcomed Kylo in by opening his mouth and greeting his tongue with his own.

Kylo's tongue was warm and velvety where it swept over Hux's teeth and found Hux’s to play with. He tasted like the wine they had shared and somehow that was the most intimate thing - that they tasted the same. It made Hux light-headed and a little more daring. He let his hands come up from where they had idly rested in his own lap to slide up Kylo's strong arms, over his broad, square shoulders and down to his pecs where he could feel Kylo's heart hammering in his chest.

Kylo snuck his arm around Hux's waist then, drawing him in even closer - into his embrace and into the depth of his being. Hux sighed into his mouth, feeling a familiar arousal envelop him. In his trousers, his cock stirred.

It was good. It was thrilling and intoxicating, but it was too much.

Hux pushed away from Kylo, breathing hard as they parted.

"Are you okay?" asked Kylo with a slight frown. His pupils were dilated, making his eyes look black.

"I just need to slow down," Hux told him, hoping he would understand.

It wasn't that he didn't want to continue this with Kylo; it was just a lot very quickly and he needed some time to wrap his head around it all before taking it any further.

"Of course," Kylo said, pulling back a little to give Hux some space, but remaining close enough to take his hand and squeeze it. "There's no rush."

Hux smiled gratefully. His hand came up to tentatively brush away a lock of hair that had fallen into Kylo's eyes, then continued combing through his hair. As Hux's fingernails gently scraped his scalp, Kylo let out a satisfied hum.

"That feels so good," he said. Eyeing Hux's lap, he quietly asked: "Can I… Can I lie in your lap?"

Softened by how shy he suddenly sounded, Hux shifted around to sit more comfortably and then patted his own thigh.

With some difficulty caused by the small space, Kylo managed to lie down and rest his head in Hux's lap. Hux immediately went back to brushing his fingers through his soft, thick hair.

Kylo's eyelids fluttered shut, allowing Hux to study his face. He was beautiful like that, thought Hux. He looked so peaceful and it amazed him how Kylo was so quickly comfortable with him. Not just comfortable either, but familiar.

Sitting in silence like that, Hux became aware of just how lonely he had in fact been the last few years and how much he had longed to feel a connection to someone again. He hadn't allowed himself to hope that he could ever find someone else after Poe. It was too risky and there was too much potential for pain. But sitting there with Kylo's head in his lap, gently weaving his fingers through his jet black hair, he didn't feel any of that expected fear. He should, but he didn't. Instead, there was a sense of tranquillity.

Later, Hux said, "I should probably go."

Kylo was still resting in his lap and Hux was almost worried he had fallen asleep, but his eyes slowly opened when Hux spoke. Knees cracking, he awkwardly got to his feet. He made his way over to the door, took Hux's coat off the hanger and handed it to him.

Hux buttoned the coat up all the way. Even though it had been nice and mild during the day, he knew it would be colder now.

Kylo grabbed the collar of Hux's coat, leaned in and gave him a lingering goodbye kiss. It made Hux feverish again and he held onto the kiss by holding onto Kylo's wrists. When they parted, they both smiled.

"Do you want to come by again tomorrow?" Kylo asked, still holding onto Hux's coat.

"If you'll let me," replied Hux cheekily.

"After tonight? It would be a new level of stupid if I said no to that."

"See you tomorrow then," said Hux as he stepped out the door.

"Tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some smooching! I hope you guys enjoyed the fluff <3
> 
> You can find sinningsquire's [lovely art for this chapter over on tumblr.](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/189251887031/the-last-thing-i-want-to-do-is-hurt-you-kylo) Please head over and give it some love!


	5. Chapter 5

Kylo showed up at Hux's hotel the next afternoon, carrying two fishing rods and a backpack casually flung over one shoulder. He was wearing beige cargo trousers and a wool jumper, looking very sporty and effortlessly cool. Like he always did, Hux thought, and unlike Hux himself, who was in no way dressed for the outdoors.

"I guess I should have given you a heads up about my fishing plans so you could have put on something more appropriate. If you have anything," Kylo said apologetically. "I didn't actually stop to think that you might not have brought your entire wardrobe."

Hux smiled at him. Kylo might not think everything through but there was no harm or ill will behind it. He was simply more impulsive than Hux and Hux actually quite liked that.

"Give me a minute to change,” Hux told him. “I have something a little better than this."

He gestured to his own attire - his regular coat, slacks and Oxfords - before heading back inside the hotel again where he changed into a pair of jeans, a thicker jumper and the shoes and windbreaker jacket he normally used for running. It wasn’t perfect but it was better than the alternative.

“That’s better,” Kylo smirked once Hux reappeared. “You clean up pretty nice.”

Hux glared at him. “Careful.”

“Careful's no fun,” replied Kylo, nudging Hux lightly in the side.

They walked together down the docks, passed where Kylo’s houseboat was anchored and all the way to the end, where there was a pier sticking far out into the water. Kylo put his backpack down and pulled a box of fishing lures out of it.

“I should tell you,” Hux began, watching Kylo as he kneeled and attached a lure to both rods with experienced hands. “I don’t really know how to fish. I tried it once when I was seven or eight years old. My father took me out - I believe he tried to bond - but it didn’t go well. I detested it.”

“The fishing or the bonding?” Kylo asked, looking up at him.

“Both,” Hux quickly replied. Then: “I probably would have liked the fishing more if he didn’t force me to do it.”

"My dad taught me how to fish when I was a kid. I liked it but when I got older I stopped because, you know, it wasn't cool." Kylo rolled his eyes at himself. "I picked it back up when I moved here."

"I, unfortunately, have no idea what you're talking about, as I've never been cool a single day of my life," Hux told him.

Hux had always been more interested in school and learning than most others, making him naturally fall outside of most social circles when he was younger. But he wasn't sad or bitter about not having been popular. He had had a couple of friends and that was enough for him.

Kylo stood. "I was too cool."

Hux laughed, thinking he was joking.

"No, really," he said and Hux picked up on the severity in his voice this time. "I was way too cool for my own good. I was a real asshole."

"Well, we all make mistakes when we're young," Hux tried to assure him.

Kylo shook his head. His scowl was back on his face and he was clutching the two fishing rods so hard his knuckles were turning white. "Not like me, you don't."

Hux didn't know what to say. This was clearly upsetting to Kylo and there was no doubt he had messed up somehow in his past. There was an itching curiosity inside him that wanted to know, but he didn't feel like he could ask Kylo directly about what it was he had done. He couldn’t help but think that it had something to do with Kylo's scar though.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Kylo said then. His scowl disappeared and he looked at Hux with slanted, apologetic eyebrows. "I didn't mean to ruin the mood."

Stepping closer to him, Hux gave him a reassuring smile. Gently, he put his hand over Kylo's - the one holding the rods. "It's okay."

Kylo relaxed at Hux's touch. He sighed, leaned forward and let his forehead rest against Hux's. And then their lips found each other.

It was just as good as the kiss the night before. Just as intoxicating as Hux remembered and had dreamed about that night. He didn't want it to end, but after a while, Kylo parted from him and Hux let go of his hand.

"Right," Kylo said, looking like he was back to his old self again. "Do you want me to teach you how to fish?"

He offered one of the fishing rods to Hux and Hux accepted.

“I suppose I can try,” he replied.

"It's not difficult."

Kylo quickly showed him the different parts of the fishing rod.

“Now for the casting,” he said. “I’ll show you.”

Hux watched as Kylo expertly did a couple of overhead casts to show him how it was done. He might not be able to make it look as fancy as Kylo did, but it didn’t seem too difficult either.

"Here," said Kylo, handing the rod back to Hux. Then he stood himself behind him - as close as he could get - wrapped his arms around Hux and put his hands over his.

Hux shuddered at the close contact, at the feeling of Kylo's firm body pressed up against his.

"Is this normally the way one teaches fishing?" Hux asked, licking his lips.

"Mhm, this is a very important part of the learning process," replied Kylo close to his ear. His hot breath tickled against the sensitive skin of Hux's neck. 

"If you say so," said Hux, trying to sound unaffected but likely failing miserably.

Moving Hux's right hand up and closer to the spinning reel, Kylo explained: "First, you pinch the line with your right index finger. Then you use your left hand to flip the bail open."

Hux tried to pay attention as Kylo's hands guided his own. The instructions were simple enough, but having Kylo this close made it very difficult to concentrate.

"Next," Kylo went on, "you move your arms back to make your cast. And when you cast, you let go with your finger to release the line. Once the lure is in the water, you flip the bail back and reel the line back in."

"Got it," said Hux, hoping he did.

Kylo stepped away from him and Hux immediately missed his warmth. "Go ahead, give it a go."

Remembering what he had just been taught, Hux pulled the fishing rod back and cast it forward again. But he released his forefinger a little too early, making the lure drop heavily into the water only a couple of metres away from the dock. He grumbled and reeled the line back in.

"Try again," Kylo encouraged him.

It took a few tries to get it right, but eventually, Hux was able to do the casting correctly.

"You're a natural," Kylo praised as he leaned on the railing.

"Oh please," Hux scoffed as he reeled the line back in again.

"No really, you have a good casting arm."

Fishing wasn't as bad as Hux had once thought it was, although he suspected it was the company more than the activity itself that made it so enjoyable this time. He got better the more he tried, but he also had some absolutely abysmal casts and when he lost a second lure because he got the line stuck, he gave up and decided to just watch Kylo instead.

"Check the backpack," Kylo told him. "There's a blanket in there."

"You brought a blanket?" Hux asked him, surprised.

Kylo shrugged. "You get cold."

Of all the things to learn about Hux, the fact that he was cold often was probably the easiest one to figure out. But Hux was still touched by the fact that Kylo had brought a blanket just for him.

Hux went to open the backpack that was resting against the railing of the dock, but he didn't notice the box of lures right next to it. His foot accidentally kicked it, making it slide right off the dock and into the water.

"Damn," Hux exclaimed and immediately dropped to his knees to try and reach the box. But even when he flattened himself out on his stomach, he couldn't get to it.

In front of him, Kylo turned and looked at him with a confused expression. "What’s going on?"

"The lure box," Hux told him helplessly. "I accidentally kicked it into the water."

He pointed to where it was floating, slowly moving further away from the dock.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” said Kylo. He leaned over the railing, trying to use the fishing rod to get a hold of the box, but ultimately had no luck. And when that didn't work, he put the rod down and started to remove his boots.

“What are you doing?” asked Hux, watching with large eyes as Kylo kicked his boots off.

“I have to get the lures,” he said and tore off his wool jumper too, leaving him in a basic white t-shirt.

“Are you insane? You can’t jump in the water! It’s freezing!”

“I’ll be fine,” Kylo grinned. And without further ado, he climbed up on the railing and dived smoothly into the water.

All Hux could do was look on as Kylo disappeared under the surface and reappeared again not long after.

“Oh fuck, it’s cold!” he called to Hux, throwing his hair back to get it out of his eyes.

“I told you so!” Hux called back to him, crossing his arms but avoiding rolling his eyes.

Luckily, the water was quiet today and so it didn’t take Kylo many swimming strokes to get to the box.

“Got it!” he said, holding the box up in triumph. Then he pointed a little further down the pier. “Meet me by the ladder, will you?”

Hux made his way to the stainless steel ladder that led down into the water and was ready to help Kylo when he reached it. Kylo handed him the box of lures, which Hux took and placed on the dock. Then he reached his hand out to help Kylo get up.

"Sure you don't want to join me?" Kylo smirked, jokingly tugging on Hux's hand.

"Don't you dare," Hux hissed back at him, immediately jerking his hand away.

Kylo laughed and climbed up the ladder on his own. Soon enough he was standing soaking wet on the dock, water dripping off of him and his clothes clinging needily to his body. His white t-shirt had become see-through and Hux was suddenly granted the view of every single muscle in Kylo’s upper body.

Hux already knew that Kylo was fit - there was no hiding it - but seeing him like this... He might as well not wear a t-shirt at all. Hux stared at him unblinkingly, his eyes fixed on Kylo’s formidable pecs.

“Do you mind getting me that blanket?” Kylo asked, snapping Hux out of his thoughts.

“Y-yes, of course,” stuttered Hux, feeling himself turning red. He spun around quickly, went back for the backpack and dug out the blanket inside it. Back with Kylo, he handed it to him, who wrapped it tightly around himself.

“I think maybe we should cut the fishing trip short,” Kylo said. He was already shivering in the wet clothes, despite him saying he would be fine.

Hux shook his head disapprovingly. “I can’t believe you jumped in. You might get sick now.”

“I wasn’t about to let an entire box of lures go to waste. And I’ll be okay as long as I get out of these wet clothes.”

They hurried back to Kylo's houseboat, Kylo huddling to stay warm in the blanket and Hux carrying Kylo's backpack, boots and jumper in addition to his own bag.

"Let me get that blanket," said Hux once they were inside.

Kylo handed it to him and Hux made sure to hang it properly on the hangers by the door so it would dry. When he turned back around, Kylo was halfway out of his soaked t-shirt but seemed to have gotten stuck somehow.

Hux laughed as Kylo helplessly tried to peel the garment off himself. The t-shirt was stuck in his armpits, halfway over his head. He looked ridiculous but also undoubtedly sexy as the undressing failure was baring the toned abs Hux had already been teased with earlier.

"A little help, please," Kylo asked, chuckling somewhere inside the t-shirt.

"Hang on," said Hux. He grabbed ahold of the cold, wet t-shirt and helped pull it over Kylo's head.

"That's better," said Kylo once he was freed from the confines of the drenched t-shirt, running a hand through his damp hair.

Hux stood rooted with his arms limply at his sides, the wet t-shirt loosely held in one hand and looking at Kylo with parted lips. He shouldn't stare, a voice inside reminded him, but he couldn't help himself from drinking in every inch of Kylo's magnificent body. He was gorgeous and impressive in the way he carried himself - proud but also guarded. He was pale and smooth - a stark contrast to his otherwise dark features. Without the t-shirt on, Hux could also see the rest of his scar. It ran all the way down to the right side of his chest.

Kylo inevitably had to notice him looking and when he did the energy in the room quickly shifted from relaxed and humourous to heated.

Locking eyes with Hux, Kylo stepped close and slipped one arm around his waist. Hux let himself be pulled close into a kiss that was tender and sweet.

The wet t-shirt was carelessly dropped to the floor as Kylo unzipped and helped Hux out of his windbreaker. Hux's hands came up around Kylo's neck. He was cool and damp from the water and Hux could feel the gooseflesh on his skin.

They kissed lazily and unhurried for a while, simply enjoying the closeness of one another. Then Kylo moved his lips to Hux's cheek and jawline and finally to the side of his neck, where Hux tilted his head to the side to give Kylo better access. He nipped at the skin there, sending pleasant shivers down Hux’s spine.

Tryingly, Kylo snuck one hand under Hux's jumper, finding bare skin. Hux gasped as Kylo's cold fingers traced the line of his lower back, but soon enough he felt that flaming heat build up inside him from Kylo's touch alone. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like that; so long since he had even wanted to be touched.

Hux hesitantly let his own hands glide down Kylo's broad back, feeling how his muscles moved under the light pressure of his slim fingers. Kylo groaned, pushing even closer and sneaking his other hand under Hux's jumper too. Through his still drenched cargo trousers, Hux could feel the outline of Kylo's cock. He was clearly already affected.

Hux exhaled heavily and swallowed. He was so nervous he was almost trembling. It had been years since he had been intimate with someone. Perhaps it was silly, but he was afraid he wasn’t good at it anymore - that he couldn’t remember how to please another man. What if he fumbled and Kylo thought he was a clutz? Or what if he got too eager? What if he, Heaven forbid, came right away like some fifteen-year-old schoolboy who had never been touched before? He didn’t know what Kylo was expecting, but it certainly couldn’t be this mess of insecurity Hux was at the moment.

"Are you okay?" Kylo asked. He had pulled away just enough to study Hux with warm, brown eyes that showed no judgement, only care, and even a little worry.

Hux gave a huffed, nervous laugh and turned his face away. It was terrifying to admit the truth, but the way Kylo looked at him so sincerely made him find the confidence to open up.

"It's been a long time for me," he confessed quietly, his gaze flicking between the wood flooring and Kylo's gorgeous eyes.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," Kylo assured him.

Hux almost melted at that. It was a small thing really, but it was a big thing to him, and the fact that Kylo was willing to wait told Hux so much about what kind of person he really was. He might come across as brash and uncaring on the surface, but here, alone with Hux, he was gentle and loving and everything Hux needed.

"No, I want to," Hux said determinedly.

"Are you sure? I mean, I'm fine with just snuggling." Kylo's eyes twinkled as he offered another slanted smile.

Feeling his nerves calm down, Hux smiled too. He was still a little anxious, but he was certain that he wanted to sleep with Kylo.

"I'm sure."

Kylo moved his hands up to Hux's face and cupped it before giving him a kiss. "Okay. We'll take it slow,” he promised.

Taking him by the hand, Kylo led Hux into his bedroom. Just like the rest of the houseboat it had limited space, but the bed was still large enough for two. It looked soft and inviting, covered in a quilt that appeared to be homemade.

"I'm going to get rid of these," said Kylo, gesturing to his soaked trousers. He disappeared through the door behind the bedroom, where Hux assumed the bathroom was.

While Kylo was in the bathroom, Hux removed his shoes and socks along with his jumper and undershirt, but he kept his trousers on for now. As he waited, he ran his hands down his own slim arms. Compared to Kylo, he was nothing, but Kylo didn't seem to mind how skinny he was and so he supposed he shouldn't either.

When Kylo came back out of the bathroom he was no longer wearing his wet trousers but had covered himself with a towel instead. Hux was both relieved and disappointed that he had done just that.

"Damn," said Kylo when he approached him.

"What?" asked Hux apprehensively.

Kylo's eyes swept over Hux's soft, naked upper body. "You're beautiful."

_Beautiful._

The word almost struck Hux dumb. It was the very word he had been afraid he couldn't live up to but which Kylo now clearly assured him that he was.

Kylo drew him closer by the hip, pulling Hux flush against him and Hux was more than willing when he kissed him again. Kylo's mouth was warm and tender, undemanding as his tongue traced Hux’s lower lip before connecting with his.

Chests pressed together and arms wrapped around each other, they took their time to find a rhythm that suited them both until their breaths grew shallow and their kisses needier. Kylo then started moving down Hux’s body, slowly but surely leaving a trail of ardent kisses on his collar bone, his chest and his stomach, until he reached the lining of Hux's trousers.

“Can I take these off?” Kylo asked, lightly tugging at the belt loops of Hux’s jeans. He was kneeling and looking up at Hux with large eyes, and Hux just about combusted from seeing him on the floor in front of him, practically begging him to take his jeans off.

“Yes,” Hux nodded, his voice almost cracking.

Hux was half-hard, but the second Kylo’s hands came even close to his cock, unzipping the front of his jeans, he was fully hard in an instant. Kylo pulled his jeans down and helped Hux to step out of them.

Unexpectedly, Kylo then nuzzled against his crotch, making Hux gulp and his cock jump.

“I like the smell of you,” Kylo told him hoarsely as he hooked his fingers into Hux’s boxer briefs. He slowly pulled those down too and Hux watched with a certain apprehension as Kylo took in the sight of his cock nestled in light copper hair and now proudly standing at attention.

Wetting his lips, Kylo looked up at Hux again. His pupils were blown large with desire. As Kylo carefully wrapped a large hand around Hux’s cock, Hux sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes.

He emptied his mind, focusing solely on the sensation of Kylo touching him; of his hand slowly moving back and forth over his cock. Want plucked at his insides, a carnal lust taking shape there. It was curious how he could almost forget something like this - the touch of another man - but once he was here again, he found himself quickly coming back to it. Kylo radiated warmth and comfort and safety and Hux could only let his senses be overpowered by it.

"I want you on the bed," Kylo said after a while. He stood again, only to take Hux's hand and guide him onto the bed.

Hux lied down on it, using his elbows to push himself back.

"Are you still okay? Comfortable?" asked Kylo with a thin smile. He was standing at the edge of the bed, one hand holding onto a now very much tented towel.

Returning the smile, Hux replied truthfully, "Yes, very much so."

"Good," said Kylo, his smile turning into a clever smirk. "I plan on making you even more comfortable."

The towel, which was barely hanging onto Kylo's hips at this point, was dropped to the floor. Hux bit his lip at the stunning vision of him fully naked, suddenly feeling an almost ravenous hunger for the man in front of him.

Kylo crawled onto the bed too, settling himself between Hux's legs. He took a hold of Hux's cock again and started stroking it. Pushing his thumb against the head, he circled the pearl of liquid he found there.

"Does that feel good?" Kylo asked in a deep voice. He studied Hux with dark eyes through a curtain of hair that had fallen into his slightly flushed face.

"Yes," Hux assured him with a pant. "But you can go harder."

Kylo gave his cock a tight squeeze and picked up the pace, making Hux squirm and arch his back in response. Kylo seemed very intent on making Hux feel as good as possible and following any potential instructions. And that - more than anything he had done so far - was the most arousing to Hux.

Still using his hand on him, Kylo bent down between his legs and Hux watched with admiration as this man - this striking man - used the flat of his tongue to lick the head of Hux's cock.

Hux gasped at the sensation, gripping onto the bedspread with both hands. And as Kylo eased down on him, he threw his head back with a guttural groan. He was so sensitive after all these years, it was almost too much. But Hux didn't want it to end; he didn't want Kylo to stop teasing, tormenting and pleasing him all at once.

Soon enough, he lost himself in the feeling of Kylo’s warm and wet mouth around his cock. All he could concentrate on was his own pleasure: how droplets of sweat were forming at the back of his neck, how his skin was tingling all over and how - deep inside him - a familiar wave was building dangerously fast.

"Kylo," he whined.

He meant it as some sort of a warning - that he was close. However, Kylo took it as encouragement, taking him deeper and sucking him even harder. Hux managed to lift his head enough to look down at him, and the vision of Kylo between his legs, with his cock buried deep in his throat, made Hux come undone.

His head fell back on the bed again as the rolling waves of pleasure overtook him and he cried out, spilling into Kylo's mouth.

When he came back to, he was breathing hard and he felt limp and light-headed. Glancing down at the edge of the bed again, he found Kylo on his knees, fervently stroking his own cock. He was a glorious sight to behold as he worked himself, massive and strong, chest heaving and glistening with a light sheen of sweat.

Feeling a lot more confident now, Hux told him, "I want to touch you too."

Kylo was clearly not a man to be asked twice. He crawled on top of Hux, who sighed in delight at the sheer weight of him pushing him into the mattress. Suddenly demanding, Hux pulled him to himself by the neck and kissed him deeply. He could taste himself, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest. Catching Kylo’s bottom lip between his teeth, he rolled his hips and ground against him. Kylo grunted.

Snaking a hand between their bodies, Hux found Kylo’s slick cock and began stroking him fast and hard.

“Fuck,” Kylo breathed into the side of Hux’s neck. “That’s it.”

Hux twisted his wrist around the head, earning a moan from Kylo. With ragged breaths, he fucked needily up into Hux’s hand.

“I’m almost there,” he told Hux.

At those words, Hux stopped and instead whispered into Kylo’s ear with confidence he barely recognised in himself: “I want to watch you come.”

Kylo broke away from Hux just far enough to look at him with raised eyebrows and open mouth, but Hux must have looked sure of himself because Kylo came up on his knees again. He straddled Hux’s waist and once again began working his cock with a firm hand. Closing his eyes, he quickly picked up his pace and Hux looked on mesmerised as a pulse of precome was smeared under his fingers.

Fantasies alone could never live up to the beauty of seeing another man like this - seeing Kylo like this - so utterly exquisite, lost in his own ecstasy and just on the cusp of pleasured ruin.

“Ah!” Kylo suddenly gasped and then his cock jerked in his hand. He opened his eyes just in time to see drops of his own warm, white come land on Hux’s chest. Keeping eye contact with him, Hux brought his hand up, dipped a finger into the liquid and brought it to his mouth to taste it.

"Fuck,” Kylo panted as he watched Hux lick his finger. “I thought you said you were out of practice."

He got off Hux’s waist and lied down on his side next to him instead.

"I was inspired," Hux replied cheekily.

“I’ll say,” huffed Kylo and chuckled.

They lay together in silence. Hux blinked lazily up at the white-painted wooden ceiling of the houseboat, feeling utterly satisfied and slowly growing tired. A bump of Kylo’s nose and then a kiss to his pale, freckled shoulder made Hux turn towards him.

His face looked so soft now, Hux noticed. There was no scowl or angry crease between his eyebrows. Even his scar appeared smoother somehow - almost elegant - like it belonged on his face and had always been a part of him. Tentatively, Hux reached his hand out for Kylo’s face. He wasn’t certain if he would let him, but Kylo lied completely still as Hux gently traced the full line of his scar, from over his right eyebrow, down his cheek and neck and ending up at his chest, where he flattened his hand out.

Their eyes met but neither of them spoke. Instead, Kylo’s hand came up to cover Hux’s and weaved their fingers together. After a while, tiredness overpowered them both and they fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Hux had woken up in an unfamiliar bed for the last few days, but waking up in Kylo’s was unexpected, to say the least. However, it was not unwelcoming. He was confused for a moment when he awoke, not remembering where he was or how he had gotten there. But soon enough the vivid images of the pleasurable evening before came back to him. With a satisfied smile, he stretched his arms lazily over his head. He felt more relaxed and content than he had in a long time and it was all thanks to Kylo.

He had no idea what time it was as his phone was in his bag, somewhere on the floor by the front door. But the cool light coming in through the sheer, white curtains in front of the circular window above the bed told him that it was probably early morning.

Turning over on his side, he found Kylo still sleeping soundly with his back to him. His broad back expanded slightly with each steady breath he took. Hux reached his hand out but didn’t touch him, just sort of felt the energy in the air around him. He didn’t want to wake Kylo up. Instead, he swung his legs out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He really needed a shower.

The bathroom was tiny but, just like the rest of the houseboat, whatever space there was had been used optimally. There was just enough room for a wall hung toilet, a small sink with a cupboard above it and a shower, the latter clearly being what Kylo had decided he needed the most space for. It made sense considering his size and Hux was grateful for it.

He stepped into the shower and turned the water on. Not realising it would need time to heat up, he almost shrieked at the shock of the ice-cold water hitting his chest. He jumped away from the stream and quickly turned down the pressure, waiting for it to heat up. Only then did he dare step into the water again.

He took his time scrubbing his body with a mildly scented soap he found on the shower shelf, hoping Kylo wouldn’t mind. Just as he was rinsing off, the shower door opened. He turned to find Kylo standing there, looming and dark and sexy. His black hair was a mess after sleeping but it honestly made him look even more handsome.

"Morning," Kylo said in a gravelly voice. Then he stepped into the shower with Hux.

Although the shower was spacious for the small size of the bathroom, it wasn't a large shower in itself, and with both Hux and Kylo in it, there wasn't much room.

"Bit of a tight squeeze for two, don’t you think?" Hux teased. He wasn't complaining though. Not really. Especially not when Kylo pressed up against his back and he could feel Kylo's hardness against his ass.

"I'm counting on it," mumbled Kylo, finding Hux's earlobe and sucking on it.

Hux moaned softly and pushed back against Kylo, his own cock quickly coming to life. He leaned back against Kylo's shoulder and turned his head to meet him in a sloppy kiss.

They didn’t make it back to bed this time, instead taking advantage of the limited space of the shower to rub against one another and help bring each other off.

* * *

If Kylo had asked Hux to spend the day in bed with him, he would have said yes. But regrettably, Kylo had to work again that day. Still, he took his time to cook a quick breakfast for them both, serving Hux a simple but tasty dish of scrambled eggs on whole-wheat toast.

"When do you have to leave?" asked Hux as he took the last bites of his food.

Kylo checked his wristwatch. "In about five minutes or so. Lor is picking me up."

“I suppose I should get going then."

Hux stood from the table, collected both their plates and cutlery and brought it to the sink.

"Ashamed to be seen with me?" asked Kylo.

Hux turned to look at him. Kylo was leaning on the table, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. He must be joking, thought Hux, but just in case he happened to be serious, Hux wanted to reassure him.

"Of course not! I just thought that you might not want him to know."

Kylo stood from the table too and came over to Hux. He pulled him close by the hip and gave him a closed-mouth kiss.

"Why wouldn't I want him to know about you?"

Hux shrugged. "I thought he might talk. Small town and all."

A smile appeared on Kylo's face. "That's the good thing about Lor. He's a talker, but he doesn't _talk._"

Five minutes later they both exited Kylo's houseboat and walked together to the parking lot where Lor was waiting in a white pickup truck. When he saw them, he rolled down the window and waved.

"Fancy seeing you here," he smiled cheekily at Hux, giving him a knowing look.

Blushing slightly, Hux nodded to him. "It's good to see you too."

"Behave," Kylo said, scowling at Lor.

"Am I not?" Lor asked innocently.

"Not normally, no."

Lor laughed and Kylo turned to Hux.

"Come by tomorrow? I'm off."

Hux nodded. "Sure."

They didn't kiss or hug goodbye. As much as Kylo claimed that Lor was not a talker - and he clearly knew about them - showing any sort of affection in front of him was a little too soon. So Hux simply lifted his arm in goodbye and watched Kylo and the old man drive off together.

* * *

As it turned out, Kylo was a man of surprises and had a bit of a romantic streak. When Hux came by the next day, Kylo was waiting outside his houseboat with another surprise in store for Hux.

"I have something planned for us today," he said before leaning in on Hux and giving him a kiss, making Hux melt right into his arms.

"What are we doing?" Hux asked curiously.

"You'll have to wait and see, but I'll give you a hint: it involves water."

"Please don't tell me we're going swimming at this time of year."

Kylo chuckled. "I think the swim I had the other day was enough for at least a month. Unless you drop any more of my stuff in the water."

"It wasn't on purpose," Hux grumbled.

"Are you sure?" Kylo teased. "Maybe it was all a wicked plan to get my clothes off."

Hux glared at him. "Maybe _you_ just wanted to show off."

Kylo grabbed his slim arm, pulling Hux to him. Pressed together, his hot breath ghosted over Hux's lips. "Maybe I did."

They met in an eager kiss. Clearly, a day apart was too much for them both and they were hungry for each other.

It took very little, Hux realised, for Kylo to get him fired up. His presence and energy alone affected him greatly and being this close to him - touching him, smelling him, tasting him - made him dizzy with want.

"Fuck," Kylo breathed once they parted. His hand was rubbing circles at the small of Hux's back. "You're killing me."

"Likewise," Hux agreed, biting his now flushed bottom lip.

"Let's go before I can't hold back and have to carry you back to the houseboat."

Hux gave him a cheeky smile. He wouldn't have minded if Kylo did just that, but he had something planned for them and Hux was curious to find out what, so he unwrapped himself from Kylo, instead taking his hand and lightly tugging at it for him to lead the way.

Kylo's surprise turned out to be a boat - a wooden rowboat painted white. When they reached it, Kylo stepped into it and held his hand out. Hux took it and with unsteady feet and some help from Kylo, he climbed into the boat as well. He sat down in the front, Kylo taking his seat in the centre and grabbing the oars.

They didn’t go too far out, but far enough for Endor Springs to grow just a little smaller and for Hux to feel like he and Kylo were no longer part of that world. Being out on the water in just a small rowboat made him feel isolated, but not in an uncomfortable way because he was with Kylo.

They were silent as Kylo rowed, but Hux didn’t mind. He enjoyed watching Kylo as his strong arms used the oars to cut through the water.

“What are you smiling about?” Kylo asked him when they stopped, his brown eyes twinkling with curiosity.

“Oh, nothing special,” Hux said, looking out at the vast ocean surrounding them and at the golden sun hanging low in the sky. He didn’t realise he had been smiling at all. “I was just thinking about how nice and peaceful this is.”

“Right? I feel lucky that I get to see this every day.”

“New York isn’t quite the same, I take it?”

Kylo almost rolled his eyes at that question, shaking his head hard. “Definitely not.” Then his face changed from a grimace to a thoughtful expression. “There’s nothing wrong with New York, really. It’s amazing in its own way. It’s just not for me anymore.”

He sounded nostalgic the way he talked about it and Hux wondered if Kylo missed the big city.

“Will you ever go back?” Hux questioned him carefully.

“To visit, sure, but I don’t want to live there,” he said. Then he quietly added, looking out at the water: “Too many bad memories.”

Hux nodded. He could relate in his own way. When Poe left him, he swore he would never go back to London ever again. Everything there reminded him of Poe and he couldn't handle it. But it was different now. He could go there and London would just be London. He suspected that whatever reason that kept Kylo away from New York, it was much bigger than a breakup with a past lover.

Kylo changed seats in the boat then, moving himself to the very back of it. When he pushed himself all the way back, there was room enough for another person in front of him.

"Come here," he said, patting the seat.

Not accustomed to rowboats and not wanting to fall overboard, Hux used his hands to awkwardly crawl to the back of the boat. Kylo snickered.

"_Don't _laugh," Hux hissed at him.

Kylo made a gesture as if zipping his mouth shut and didn't utter another word until Hux reached him.

"Got you," Kylo smiled, grabbing Hux to steady him.

Hux took his seat between Kylo's legs, his back turned to him. Kylo wrapped his arms around his waist and Hux leaned back, relishing in the strength of Kylo’s arms holding him tight and the heat radiating from his body.

Kylo nuzzled his nose into Hux’s red hair before softly blowing air at the nape of his neck, making Hux shudder. Then he placed his chin on Hux’s shoulder.

“The sunset has started,” he whispered close to Hux’s ear.

Hux watched in stunned silence as the large, fiery globe in the sky slowly descended towards the horizon. Its beams of light stretched across the gentle lapping waves, making the water look like liquid gold where the sun hit it. Kylo had told him that the sunsets in Endor Springs were beautiful, but it was more mesmerising than Hux would have ever thought.

They sat for a while looking at the sunset and sharing the beauty of the moment together. Until Kylo removed his arms around Hux's waist and made an audible sigh.

Hux straightened up and turned to look at him. Kylo suddenly looked tense. His jaw was clenched and his gaze seemed far away.

"What's wrong?" Hux asked, knitting his eyebrows in concern. He then moved from between Kylo's legs to the centre seat so he and Kylo could sit across from each other.

Kylo's eyes flickered up to meet Hux's. "I have to tell you something."

“Okay?”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me and I think you should." Kylo wrung his hands, tongue nervously licking his lips.

“We’ve only known each other for a short while. There’s a lot you don’t know about me either,” said Hux. He offered a smile, hoping it would make Kylo relax.

“Not like this. I… I have a past. A very reckless one.” He inhaled deeply as he ran both hands through his hair, then exhaled heavily. “Fuck, this is hard. I haven’t told anyone about this except Lor.”

The journalist in Hux practically jumped at the sound of those words. He couldn’t lie, he was curious to know what Kylo was about to tell him. But another part cared for Kylo and Hux didn’t want him to be uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to tell me anything unless you really want to,” Hux told him.

“But I do. Want to tell you, I mean.”

"Then I'm listening."

Kylo threw his head back and looked up at the now darkening sky, pursing his lips. Then his head came back down and his eyes met Hux’s again.

“I wasn’t always called Kylo Ren,” he started. “My birth name is Ben Solo. My mother is senator Leia Organa and my father is Han Solo, owner of Millennium Airlines.”

Hux tried not to look shocked at this information, even though he was. He had suspected that Kylo was hiding something, but not what and this seemed like it might be big. The names Kylo mentioned didn't ring a bell, but Hux had seen ads for Millennium Airlines. They were low-cost and their slogan was something like _Great for Flying Solo_. Also, if Kylo’s birth name was indeed something else, it explained why Hux had had such a hard time finding him in the first place.

"I grew up with money," Kylo went on, "and that money made it possible for me to live a very privileged life. I’m not gonna lie, I abused it, but it didn't exactly help that my parents weren't around much - especially my mom. Too busy with her political career, I guess."

"I'm sorry," said Hux. He could see that it was painful for Kylo to talk about this.

Kylo shrugged. "They felt bad about it and pretty much let me have whatever I wanted. Obviously, I took advantage of that. I started drinking and smoking weed when I was fifteen. At nineteen, I went on to cocaine. I partied all the time; didn't have a care in the world. It was a very easy lifestyle to lead.

"The only problem I could see was that because I was who I was, there were often paparazzi following me and tabloid journalists writing stories about what I was doing. Looking back, I kind of get it. I was the scandalous son of an American senator constantly acting like an idiot in public - an easy target.”

He scoffed. "But what I don't get is the spiteful way they did it. I was an asshole, I know, but they wrote about me in a way that made it clear that they wanted to ruin me. They used me as a warning and an example of today’s corrupted youth.” He made quotation marks in the air at the last two words. “You know, how _not_ to be. They really hated me and they wanted anyone who read their magazines and websites to hate me too."

Hux stared at Kylo unblinkingly as he talked. There was a sick feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

Kylo leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and went on: "Back then I didn't give a shit though. That is, I hated the paparazzi and journalists then too, but they didn't stop me from living the carefree life I wanted to live.

"It was like that for years and it would probably still be like that if it wasn't for this one very stupid thing I did."

"What happened?" Hux asked in a quiet voice. He was almost afraid of the answer, but he had to know.

Kylo ran a hand over his face. "Three years ago my stupidity reached a whole new level. I was high as a fucking kite and decided to drive home from a party at a friend's place. I lost control of the car and I crashed. I don't remember it. I don't remember anything at all until I woke up in the hospital the next day with bandages covering half of my face."

He stopped talking and pointed to the scar that ran down his face. Hux swallowed. He understood.

"I was lucky," Kylo continued. "I could have died. Someone else could have died. All I got was a fine, forced rehab and community service.”

Shifting in his seat, Kylo looked out at the horizon, where the sun was now disappearing; the last minutes of daylight trying to hold on.

"That was my turn-around. Nothing like a near-death experience to sober you up and make you want to change your life,” he said. “But the tabloids didn't have the same thing in mind. If I thought it was bad before the accident, it was nothing compared to after. They hounded me. There was story after story about how I deserved what had happened and how I was only pretending to be a changed person. They would catch me on my way to checkups at the hospital and write dirt articles about how the spoiled rich kid was skipping community service. And some of them definitely implied that I shouldn’t have gotten away with just a fine; that if it wasn’t for my mom, I would be rotting in prison.”

Kylo’s dark gaze turned to Hux again. He looked so sad and hurt, like a dog that had been beaten too many times to trust again. Yet, here he was opening up, after all.

He sighed and he sounded almost broken when he continued: “I tried. I really tried to show everyone that the accident had made me change, but no one believed me - not even my parents. My mom, especially, was so busy doing damage control to her career that she didn’t even want to listen to what I had to say. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I let the tabloids and the rumours win and left New York. I changed my name and moved out here.”

By the time Kylo finished his story, the sun had set completely and all colour had drained from Hux's face. He was feeling nauseous and the world around him seemed to be spinning.

This was what he had come here for. Kylo's story was everything he could ever have hoped to find: a story of scandal and tragedy but also of loneliness and love. Hux had spent so much time researching and digging up information and had waited for Kylo to trust him. All in the hope that he would open up and share whatever secret he was hiding.

Except now that Kylo had finally revealed it all, Hux wanted him to take it back. He didn't want to know Kylo's secrets because his secrets were filled with hate - hate for Hux.

He should say something, a voice inside Hux reminded him. He should point out how awful it all was or say that he was sorry about it. But he couldn’t find the words because all he could focus on was what Kylo would do if he found out why Hux had really come to Endor Springs. If Kylo knew that Hux was a journalist that had come here for a story and that he had kept that truth from him, he would never forgive Hux.

Hux startled as Kylo’s hand grabbed his.

"Hey, you look kind of pale. Are you feeling alright?" he asked with his head cocked slightly to one side. “I’m sorry if that was too much. I know it’s not a fun story.”

He gave a nervous laugh and when Hux didn’t respond straight away, he started to pull his hand away.

Hux, finally realising that he had to do _something_, quickly grabbed onto Kylo’s withdrawing hand with both of his. His fingers were trembling, but he held on tight to Kylo so as not to let it show.

“I-it’s not you,” he said, hoping he sounded reassuring. “I’m just... I’m feeling a little sick. I think it’s the boat. I’m not used to it.”

He felt horrible for lying, but it was all he could do at the moment.

“Can we go back?” Hux asked. “I think I need to lie down.”

Kylo nodded, still looking a mix of uncertain and concerned. “Yeah. We should get back anyway. It’s dark.”

Safely back on the shore, Kylo walked Hux back to his hotel. By the entrance, Kylo embraced him and held him for a long time. Resting his head on his shoulder, Hux dug his own fingers so deep into Kylo’s back he was sure it must hurt him, but Kylo said nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Hux whispered into the coarse fabric of his jacket. He wasn’t sure if he was apologising for what Kylo had been through or for the truth he hadn’t revealed.

Gently, Kylo pulled just far enough away for them to stand toe to toe, facing each other. He cupped Hux’s face with both hands and pressed a soft kiss to his brow.

“Feel better,” he said before walking off, leaving Hux staring after him until he was swallowed up by the darkness.

Once back in his hotel room, Hux threw his jacket on the floor and kicked his shoes off before pulling out his mobile phone and going straight to Google. He typed in _Ben Solo_ and immediately got thousands of hits. Scrolling down, he could see that they were mostly stories about Kylo's earlier reckless life. He tapped the _images_ button and found endless unflattering photos of another version of a man he had come to know. Photos of Kylo - or Ben - being drunk or high; of him exiting clubs and falling over on the sidewalk; of him getting in sloppy fights, and of him with a number of different men and women who could only be previous lovers.

And then there were the photos from the car accident. Hux tapped one of them and brought up a picture of a shiny black car turned upside down in the middle of the road. Shattered glass was strewn all around and the driver’s side door lied on the asphalt next to the car. It must have been cut off to get Kylo out.

It was a horrifying scene and Kylo had been right. He was incredibly lucky to have survived that accident.

Hux threw his phone onto the bed and let himself sink down onto it too. He buried his head in his hands, feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. He didn’t want to tell Kylo the truth about himself. He wanted to ignore that there was a truth at all and continue the way they were going now. He wanted to keep their connection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find sinningsquire's lovely art for this chapter over on tumblr. The first piece you'll find [here](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/189373170741/turning-over-on-his-side-he-found-kylo-still), and you'll find the second piece [here.](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/189373213431/hux-watched-in-stunned-silence-as-the-large-fiery) Please head over and give some love!


	7. Chapter 7

Hux didn't sleep well that night. He had nightmares, tossing and turning in bed as his subconscious mind brought forth one of his greatest fears.

> He dreamt that he was on trial. It was a huge courtroom. Behind him were rows upon rows of people both familiar and unknown. Among them, he saw Phasma and Rey, who stared straight ahead with cold, unkind faces. He tried to lift his arm to get their attention but realised that his hands were shackled together with his feet.
> 
> "Do you have anything to say in your defence?" a voice boomed loudly from the front of the courtroom. It sounded like it was amplified.
> 
> Hux turned to find his boss, Snoke, at the judge's bench. Except instead of an actual judge's bench he was sitting on some sort of a throne. His face was even more warped than usual and he was huge - at least three times the size of a normal human being.
> 
> "I-I don't understand. Why am I here?" Hux stuttered, confused. "I haven't done anything wrong."
> 
> "Objection! The defendant is playing the victim card!" another voice was heard from Hux's right, where - at the plaintiff's table - Lor was standing in a smart suit, addressing Snoke while pointing an accusatory finger at Hux.
> 
> Lor took a small step forward and revealed a person next to him - the plaintiff - and Hux almost screamed. It was Kylo. He was glaring at Hux with a deep frown and black eyes.
> 
> "Sustained!" said Snoke. He leaned forward, his massive form looming over Hux. "As you are not the victim, you are not permitted to play the victim card."
> 
> "What? I don't-" Hux tried. He didn't understand anything of what was going on.
> 
> But Snoke cut him off. "If you have nothing more to say in your defence, I will make my ruling."
> 
> "You can't do that! I don't even know what I'm being charged for!" Hux protested as he got to his feet.
> 
> "Quiet!" Snoke shouted as he repeatedly struck the armrest of his throne with the gavel. The sound was unnaturally loud. It echoed around the courtroom, making Hux's ears hurt. He immediately shut his mouth and sat down again.
> 
> Snoke went on: "Based on the evidence presented here today - mainly that of a notebook - I find you, Armitage Hux, guilty of deception and treachery. And I hereby sentence you to an eternity of loneliness."
> 
> At those words, two burly court security officers came out of nowhere and grabbed Hux by his arms.
> 
> "No! You can't do this!" Hux screamed. "Please, no! Kylo! You can't! Please!"
> 
> He continued to scream and struggle, but Kylo did nothing but stare at him with a disdainful expression as the guards dragged him out of the courtroom and into darkness.

Hux woke up with a jolt, confused, scared and covered in cold sweat. His breath was ragged and he was shivering. Pulling the bed sheets tight around him, he lay still for several minutes before he was able to calm down from the dream.

He stretched his hand out for his phone on the nightstand to check the time, wincing as the sharp light from the screen hit his eyes. It was almost six in the morning and he figured he might as well get up and have a shower. He probably wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep anyway.

It wasn't until Hux was out of the shower and had gotten dressed that he was reminded of something that had happened in the dream. There was a certain piece of evidence that had been the main reason why he had been convicted, but he couldn't quite remember it. He racked his brain for what Snoke had said in the dream when it suddenly came to him.

The notebook!

Rushing over to the desk where his bag was sitting, Hux dug through it to find the Moleskine notebook where he had made his notes on Kylo, but couldn't immediately find it. He brought the bag over to the bed, turned it upside down, poured all its contents out and spread them out on the sheets.

The notebook wasn't there.

He was certain it had last been in his bag. It must have fallen out. But where had his bag last been? Hux's stomach dropped as he realised that the last place he had taken his bag was to Kylo's houseboat the night they had slept together.

The thought almost made him sick, but reason told him that Kylo couldn't have found the notebook - at least not yet. If he had, he wouldn't have taken Hux out on the water the afternoon before and shared everything he had. Hux inhaled deeply in order to calm down, telling himself that it would be fine. He just needed to get to the notebook before Kylo to avoid any misunderstandings.

It was too early in the morning to go over to Kylo's houseboat, so Hux anxiously tried to make time pass by first going to breakfast. However, he wasn’t feeling particularly hungry and wasn’t able to eat much. Instead, he simply sat at the breakfast table, finishing a cup of coffee and looking at the ocean view. But the view reminded him of Kylo, so he went back to his room where he decided to check the _Arkanis Chronicle_ online to see what was going on at home. As expected though, there wasn't anything noteworthy.

At nine, Hux couldn't wait any longer. He threw his coat on, grabbed his bag and hurried over to Kylo's. The docks were empty and silent and the houseboat sat still in the water, showing no signs of life. He stepped onto the deck and, taking a deep, steadying breath, knocked on the door. There was no answer. He knocked again - firmer this time - but Kylo didn't open. Maybe he was at work? He hadn’t mentioned anything about working today, but the way last night had ended hadn’t left much room for casual conversation.

Putting both hands up against the window of the door, he peered into the houseboat through the gap in the curtain, but he couldn't see anyone in here. Turning, he looked around him, desperately trying to come up with some solution to this problem. Biting his bottom lip, he thought for a moment, then carefully reached his hand out to try the door.

It was locked. Of course, it was locked. Kylo wasn't an idiot. He was also very private and reserved - for a good reason. But perhaps there was a spare key around somewhere that Hux could use - one that Kylo had hidden outside in case of emergencies. He lifted the doormat, but there was no key. There weren’t many items on the deck, but Hux checked the few that were there.

Just as he was bending down to pick up a flower pot with a long-dead flower in it, the door to the houseboat opened. Hux jumped and turned to find Kylo standing in the doorway with a suspicious frown on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Feeling as if he had been caught red-handed, Hux blushed. "I-I knocked, but you didn’t answer," he said lamely as if that was somehow an excuse to why he was snooping around.

"I was in the shower," Kylo explained. His hair was dripping wet still, creating small damp spots on the white t-shirt he was wearing.

"Oh," was all Hux was able to come up with.

There was a moment of awkward silence between them, where they both seemingly didn't know what to say.

Eventually, Kylo sighed, relaxing his shoulders. With a sideways glance at Hux, he asked, "Do you… want to come in?"

Relieved that he asked, Hux nodded, giving him a careful smile, and Kylo held the door open for him to come inside. However, there was still an uncomfortable tension between them. After the night before, things weren't the way they had been and Hux hated it. He wanted to step over to Kylo and embrace him where he stood with his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jeans, looking questioningly at Hux. He wanted to feel his breath tickle against his skin and the warmth of his body mix with his own. But he didn't feel like he could do that at the moment.

"I think I misplaced something here the other day," said Hux as an explanation to why he was there.

"Misplaced what?" Kylo asked.

"A notebook. Just a small one. It must have fallen out of my bag."

"Okay. Well, you're welcome to look for it, if you want." Kylo gestured to nothing in particular. "I'll help you."

Hux wanted to tell him no; that he didn't have to do that - that he didn’t _want_ him to do that. But he was afraid that if he did, Kylo would become suspicious, so he said nothing and instead started looking around the houseboat for this silly, little notebook that could ruin so much.

"What's so important about this notebook anyway?" Kylo asked after a little while of searching without any result. He was leaning against the door frame leading to the bedroom, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyebrows slightly raised.

"It's not," Hux dismissed with a quick lie. From his kneeling position on the floor, he flicked his gaze up at Kylo and then back to the floor again to continue searching. He truly despised himself at the moment.

"It has to be important if you're here looking for it," Kylo pointed out.

Swallowing, Hux got back up to his feet. He shrugged and tried to sound casual when he said, "It's nothing. Just some personal notes. It's embarrassing, really."

This was not the way Hux wanted this to go. He was flat out lying to Kylo now, which he didn't want to do. But he felt like he didn't have any other choice.

Kylo nodded slowly. Then: "I never asked you when you have to go back to England."

"Um," Hux spoke weakly, blinking rapidly as a sudden panic set in. "I have an open return ticket."

That wasn't a lie. Snoke had agreed that it would be difficult to time just how long this would take and allowed Hux an open return - within limits.

"Don't you have a job waiting for you?" Kylo pushed, cocking his head to one side.

Hux stiffened at that, staring at Kylo with a rapidly increasing feeling of guilt and fear growing in his gut. This was his chance, he thought, to tell Kylo the truth. Nevermind the notebook, he should tell him everything right now before it was too late. Just open your mouth and say the words, a voice inside him pressed.

But instead, he said, "I took some time off."

Kylo knitted his eyebrows then, the line between them deepening, but before he could say anything more, Hux quickly went on: "I don't think the notebook is here, after all. Maybe I dropped it under the bed in my hotel room or something. I’m sure it will pop up on its own as soon as I get back. Isn’t that just typical?"

He was babbling like the fool he felt like he was; like the cowardly fool he could only blame himself for having turned into.

"I guess," Kylo shrugged, no longer looking at Hux. Instead, he was staring stiffly out the circular window by the sitting nook where streaks of the morning sun were creeping in.

Hux didn’t know what else to say. He would like to stay, but he wanted Kylo to ask him to. However, Kylo didn't and so Hux left.

* * *

Back at the hotel, Hux continued to look for the notebook. He checked under the bed, but there was nothing. He then went to the closet to check the pockets of his windbreaker, but that was empty too. He scoured every inch of the room in case he had left it somewhere, but it soon became clear that the notebook was nowhere in the hotel room.

Could he have dropped it somewhere else? On his way between the hotel and Kylo's houseboat, perhaps? If that was the case, he likely wouldn't find it again, which meant he could let it go. But he wasn't able to relax.

He didn’t know how he was going to solve this with Kylo, or how he was going to find the guts and courage to tell him the truth. For now, he needed to stress down - get his mind off things, so he decided to go for a walk.

The walk led Hux to the town square and he figured he might as well pop into _Norric’s_ when he was there. As much as he preferred solitude, being around people seemed like a nice distraction at the moment.

_Norric’s_ wasn’t crowded at this time of day, but there were a fair amount of people occupying the place. Hux headed straight for the counter and ordered a beer, before sitting down at the bar.

He had perhaps sat there for fifteen minutes and was halfway through his drink when a familiar voice spoke next to him.

“Drinking in the middle of the day? That's never a good sign.”

Hux turned to find Lor’s kind face and he couldn’t keep himself from smiling at the sight of him. Lor was one of those people who were warm and inviting and immediately made you feel comfortable in his presence.

“Sometimes it’s needed,” Hux told him. He meant it as a joke, but it was also true.

Lor took his seat next to Hux, leaning on the counter. “I don’t mean to pry, but you seem a little glum.”

Hux scoffed and took another sip of his beer. “I didn’t realise I was that easy to read.”

“Don’t worry, you’re not. I’ve just had a lot of practice,” Lor winked.

Hux went silent, rotating the glass of beer between his hands. Sighing, he eventually said, “Can I ask your advice?”

“Of course,” replied Lor.

“What do you do if you’re in a situation where you know that both parties will get hurt once the truth comes out?”

Lor’s kind blue eyes lingered on Hux for a long while and by the way he looked at him, Hux was certain he knew that the question had to do with Kylo.

“That’s a tough one,” Lor began, scratching his beard. “But I believe that the truth should come out, even if it’s painful. Unless you’re willing to live a lie.”

He wasn’t asking Hux a question directly, but he was certainly giving him a very deliberate nudge.

“And I also believe,” Lor added, “that if the people involved really care for one another, they’ll be able to make it through the pain.”

“I don’t know,” muttered Hux as he stared into the amber liquid in front of him. “Some truths are too hard to move past.”

A heavy hand landed on Hux’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “Whatever it is, he deserves to know.”

Hux swallowed hard at those words, knowing all too well that Lor was right, and he decided then and there - notebook or no notebook - that he would go to Kylo the next day and tell him everything.

* * *

It was late in the evening and Hux was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed when there was a loud, determined knock on the hotel room door. He quickly rinsed out his mouth and, in his pyjamas only, went to the door.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Open the door," came a familiar voice on the other side. It was Kylo.

Hux immediately unlocked and opened the door for him. Kylo aggressively pushed his way into the room, almost knocking Hux over in the process.

"I found your fucking notebook," he growled, slamming the tiny thing in his hand onto the desk right next to where the message in a bottle was sitting. He locked eyes with Hux, staring at him with eyes so dark and wild it almost made Hux afraid.

Hux’s heart fell as he was overwhelmed by a sudden dread. His mouth went bone dry and his chest felt tight. It took him a long time before he was able to ask: "Did you read it?"

It was a stupid question, really. He already knew the answer.

"Yes, I fucking read it," Kylo bit back venomously. "You were acting weird as shit earlier, snooping around and dodging my questions, so when you left I continued looking for it until I found it."

"It's not what it looks like," Hux told him weakly.

"It's not? So that's not a notebook with notes about me?"

The sarcasm was so poisonous and sharp, Hux could almost feel the sting of it. He couldn't handle the way Kylo looked at him - angry and betrayed - so he let his gaze fall to the floor.

"It is, but it's not-" he began.

He wanted to explain - _needed_ to explain and to have Kylo understand, but Kylo cut him off.

"Tell me you're not a journalist."

He sounded dangerously cold as he spoke those words, like the calm before the storm. But his eyes also showed some sort of frantic hope, as if they were silently begging Hux to please tell him no. And there was nothing more Hux wanted than to say just that. He desperately wished he could deny it, but he couldn't.

There was a long, painful silence before Hux dared to speak. Muttering shamefully, he said, "I can't."

"Fuck you!" Kylo immediately sneered at him through gritted teeth.

"But it's not like that!" Hux tried. "Please, let me explain!"

Kylo took a few steps closer to him and suddenly the couple of inches he had on Hux seemed like so much more as he towered menacingly over him. "Explain what? That you tracked me down like some fucking leech and wormed your way into my bed to get my story?"

Hux openly gaped at the accusation. While he had indeed tracked Kylo down, his intention had never been to get into any sort of physical relationship with him. It was the last thing he had planned for and he wished he could explain just how special Kylo was for Hux to go that far with him.

"That's not what happened!" he protested. "I didn't know who you were when I came here! I didn't know anything about you or your past. I only knew about the message in a bottle."

"Well, you know now, don't you," Kylo spat at him.

“Kylo, please,” Hux begged, his voice trembling at this point. “Yes, I came here to write a story about you and the message in a bottle. But it's not why I stayed.”

It was terrifying to speak the next words, but he had to. Kylo needed to know.

“I stayed for you."

Hux was desperate for Kylo to understand that he had made a mistake. He had gotten carried away and become completely wrapped up in the unforeseen feelings he had developed. When he came to Endor Springs, he had never expected to find someone like Kylo; never expected to be charmed by and fall for him the way he had.

Truth be told, he had never expected to find someone like Kylo ever.

"Please, believe me," he added in a whisper.

Kylo went silent. He turned around for a moment, ran both hands through his thick, black hair before locking his fingers together at the back of his neck. Hux heard him clearly as he took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly as if he was trying to calm himself down.

"I don't believe a fucking thing that comes out of your lying mouth," Kylo said coldly as he turned to face Hux again. He might as well have punched him in the gut. The pain was the same.

"But it's the truth!" Hux tried to tell him.

"The truth doesn't mean shit when you have to dig through layers of lies to get to it!"

"I didn't mean to lie! If I had known about your past to begin with, I wouldn’t have kept this a secret!”

Hux wanted to believe that that was true, but he wasn’t certain it was. If he had known that Kylo Ren was, in fact, Ben Solo when he first came to America and Endor Springs and was only set on getting a good story, he might just as easily have kept his occupation a secret.

“Then why the fuck did you?!” Kylo yelled at him. His face was contorted in anger; his scar looking twisted and ugly.

“Because I messed up!” Hux shouted back at him. He was feeling frustrated, not knowing what more he could say or do to convince Kylo. But mostly he was scared. Scared because he realised this was going the exact way he had been afraid it would. Scared because Kylo didn’t believe him. Scared because it became clearer by the minute that Kylo would never forgive him for this, no matter what he said.

But as long as Kylo was still in the room, Hux had to keep trying.

"You have to know what that's like - messing up," Hux spoke in a calmer voice in hopes of reaching Kylo. He was trying to find some sort of common ground between them.

However, Kylo didn't go for it. Quite the opposite, it made him even angrier.

"Don't you dare," he snarled, his nostrils flaring. "Don't you fucking _dare_ turn this around on me!"

"No, that's not what I meant!"

Everything Hux was saying seemed to come out wrong. He took a step forward, wanting to reach out for Kylo, but Kylo looked so furious that Hux was scared he would slap his hand away if he tried.

Kylo glared at him, his entire body vibrating from rage. There was so much fury in his eyes, but also hurt, and it absolutely killed Hux to see him like that because he knew he was the reason for that pain and anger.

"I can't believe I was so stupid!” Kylo said, shaking his head hard in disbelief. “I let my guard down. I believed you. I trusted you!"

"I'm sorry," Hux told him, his voice quivering with emotion. "I didn't mean to hurt you! You have to believe me. Please, you have to-"

But his words didn't even seem to register with Kylo, who slammed his fist so hard into the desk it rattled violently and made Hux jump back like a skittish animal.

"I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!" Kylo roared, and in his fury, he grabbed the bottled message from the desk and threw it with all his force at the wall by the window.

The bottle smashed into the wall with a sharp, painful crash, shattering into dozens of small pieces before dropping to the carpeted floor. The rolled-up note was suspended in mid-air for a mere second more before it, too, fell to the floor, landing on top of the shards of broken glass.

Hux was left standing with an open mouth, unable to breathe, unable to blink, unable to say a word. The only sound heard in the room was Kylo breathing heavily through his nose.

Eventually, Kylo turned to Hux again and he looked him straight in the eye as he said, "I have met a lot of shitty journalists, but none of them has stooped as low as you."

Then he walked past Hux, slamming his shoulder into him as he did. He tore the door open but was stopped short by the hotel receptionist standing right outside in the hallway with a worried look on her face. Across from Hux's room, an elderly man was peeking his head out through the door.

"Is everything okay here?" the receptionist asked, looking first at Kylo and then past him at Hux. "We were warned by some other guests about a lot of noise coming from this room."

Kylo ignored her. He easily sidestepped her and continued down the corridor. Meanwhile, Hux barely noticed that she was speaking to him. All he could focus on was Kylo's hulking figure storming angrily away from him and finally disappearing around a corner.

"Sir? Are you okay?" the receptionist spoke again.

Hux blinked and snapped out of his trance. "No, I... I mean, yes, I'm okay. It's fine. Everything is fine. It was just a heated argument." He threw another look down the hallway where Kylo had disappeared, hoping perhaps that he would return, but knowing he wouldn't.

He swallowed before he continued: "But it's over now."

The elderly man across the hall looked at Hux disapprovingly. Normally, Hux wouldn't much care about his opinion, but now he shrank under the man's condemning gaze, feeling the burn of the shame.

"I apologise," Hux told him and the receptionist in a quiet voice without looking at them.

"Alright, sir," said the receptionist. Hux had no idea if she actually believed him, but as she had seen Kylo walk away, she seemed satisfied that the quarrel was over and therefore also the noise. "You have a good night."

"I apologise," Hux repeated as he carefully closed and locked the door behind him.

Once again alone, he leaned heavily against the door, letting his head fall back and closing his eyes. His heart was hammering in his chest and his limbs were shaking from the adrenaline that had coursed through his body during the argument with Kylo. Trying to calm himself down, he inhaled deeply and let out a trembling breath. He did this several times until he felt his heart rate come to a steadier beat.

Only then did he open his eyes again to a room that looked almost exactly like before Kylo had turned up, and Hux could perhaps have denied and repressed the entire altercation if it wasn’t for the one glaringly obvious item that lay shattered on the floor by the window.

Slowly, Hux made his way over to the broken bottle and the message, which lay cradled in a nest of fractured glass. He picked up and unrolled the note, reading it for who knows which time. That sensation of loneliness was still there when he read it now, but this time it was also accompanied by an emptiness as if there was a fresh hollow inside him.

He should throw the note away, he told himself. There was no point in keeping it any longer, but as Hux gently ran the tips of his fingers over Kylo’s handwritten words, he couldn’t make himself toss it out. Instead, he rolled it back up and found his bag, placing the note safely inside it.

Bringing the bin by the desk back with him, he knelt down on the carpeted floor in front of the broken bottle. He started picking up the shards and put them into the bin. But he wasn’t careful enough and as he picked up a piece of glass, he cut one of his fingers.

“Damn it,” he cursed to the room. “God damn it!”

Hissing, he threw the shard back down on the carpet as if that small piece of glass was the reason for the pain he was feeling. He brought the finger to his mouth in an attempt to stop the bleeding, then headed for the bathroom to find the pack of plasters he kept in his toiletry bag. As he wrapped the patch around the cut on his finger, he wished he could just as easily put a plaster on his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will find sinningsquire's [lovely art for this chapter on tumblr.](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/189434940851/he-sounded-dangerously-cold-as-he-spoke-those) Please head over and show her some love!


	8. Chapter 8

It took two days before Hux was able to get a flight back home to England. Two days of him staying cooped up inside the hotel.

Over the course of those days, he contemplated more than once whether he should try to make contact with Kylo again; whether he should go over to his houseboat and make another attempt at talking to him. He tried to tell himself that Kylo must have calmed down after a while and that he might be more open to having a conversation after a night's sleep. But that train of reasonable thought was soon enough followed by others in quick succession telling him that, no, Kylo had made it very clear that Hux was the most despicable person he had ever met. He didn't want anything more to do with him. And wasn't it true that, if he did, Kylo would get in contact himself?

He even found himself fantasising about that - Kylo coming to his hotel room again and apologising for overreacting. And they would kiss and fall into bed and everything would be forgiven. But that was just what it was: a silly fantasy that would never become reality.

* * *

The sun hadn't risen yet the morning Hux left. It was dark and cold, but Hux was honestly grateful for it as the darkness provided him with the camouflage he needed to escape town without being seen.

He hoped he could find some relief in leaving; that putting Endor Springs behind him would make away with the worst of that crushing guilt and pain he was feeling. But as the bus departed and the small coastal town slowly disappeared from view, it felt as if a claw gripped at his insides and twisted them so hard it almost made him gasp out loud.

* * *

There was a five-hour layover in Chicago. As Hux was waiting for his flight to London, trailing the airport just to make time pass, he decided to text Phasma and let her know that he was on his way back home.

> _I’ll be home sometime tomorrow._

It didn't take long before Phasma replied:

> _Both Millicent and I are excited to have you back! And I can't wait to hear more about the mysterious Kylo Ren ;)_

The mention of Kylo's name made Hux's stomach turn. He didn't reply to that text.

* * *

If Hux thought the trip to America had been long and tiring, it was nothing compared to his journey back home. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t, so he was left awake watching some films he wasn’t interested in just to keep his thoughts busy. Because if he didn’t occupy himself with something - anything - his head would go right back to Kylo and he didn’t want to think about him.

When he finally arrived home to his flat in Arkanis around noon the next day, he didn’t have the energy for much besides dumping his luggage and outerwear just inside the front door. He was absolutely knackered, but the sight of Millicent trotting towards him and rubbing lovingly up against his legs made him perk up just a little.

He scooped Millicent up in his arms and nuzzled his nose into her soft, ginger fur. She purred loudly, clearly happy to see him again.

“At least I have you,” he whispered to her. She bumped her head against his nose in reply.

“Come on,” he said, carrying her over his shoulder into the bedroom.

He knew he should force himself to stay awake and not go to bed at this hour, but right now he didn’t care if jetlag was messing him up or whether he would regret it the next day. He was beyond tired and only wanted to sleep. So he curled up in bed with Millicent settling by his feet.

He woke up again a number of hours later, feeling disoriented and even more tired than when he first arrived home, despite having slept. His clothes were crumpled and he smelled, so he got up to take a shower, only to go straight back to bed afterwards.

* * *

When Hux's alarm blared the next morning, he wanted to toss it at the wall, roll over and continue sleeping. He wasn't ready to be awake. He wasn't ready to go back to work. He wasn't ready for his thoughts to be occupied by Kylo again.

He wondered briefly if he should call in sick and stay home another day. But if he did, Phasma would worry and if she worried, she would ask questions. He didn't want her to ask questions. So he got out of bed, fed Millicent and then headed for the bathroom, where he looked at himself in the mirror.

His face was haggard. It was even paler than normal, with dark circles under his eyes and dry, chapped lips. Tearing his eyes away from his own reflection, he meticulously started going through his regular morning procedure, taking extra care with shaving and styling his hair. If anything would help how he felt right now, it was the familiarity of routine.

When he arrived outside the _Arkanis Chronicle_, it was strange how foreign the place felt and how he was suddenly uncomfortable being there. He hadn’t been gone all that long but it felt like an eternity. Almost another lifetime. But he had to put on a happy face, or at least a straight one. He wasn’t about to show any of his colleagues how he was really feeling.

He barely had time to sit down at his desk before Phasma made her appearance.

“Welcome back,” she said as she slid onto his desk. Crossing her legs, she gave him a curious look. “So, tell me everything.”

Phasma normally had a wonderful way of making Hux feel better. These last few years, she had been the only one who understood him. Not only that, she accepted him and his sometimes rotten mood without much question.

But now, all Hux could think about was Kylo and how he had somehow made him feel more comfortable and freer than anyone ever had. But Kylo had just been a brief part of his life - a fleeting romance - and thinking about him was useless.

"Hey, are you okay?" Phasma asked, studying him with bright, blue eyes and a slight frown.

"What?" Hux blinked. "Oh, I'm fine. Just jetlagged."

He licked his lips, giving her a quick smile. To avoid her asking any more questions, he continued: "America was fine."

"Just fine?"

"It was work."

"Oh come on," she pushed. "I want to know more about Kylo Ren!"

"I already told you on the phone. He was different from what I thought. Kind. Funny."

Hux thought back to his first meeting with Kylo - when he had threatened to call the police on him - versus the next ones. For someone so hostile on a first encounter, he had turned out to be surprisingly warm and caring - that crooked smile of his always ready to disarm Hux.

"Hot?" asked Phasma with a grin on her face.

"Phasma!" he scolded her while simultaneously trying not to blush. "I was there to do a job."

"That doesn't mean you can't enjoy the view while you're working," she laughed.

He glared at her, partly because of her comment but mostly because he had gone way beyond just enjoying the view.

She rolled her eyes back at him. "For god's sakes, Hux, I'm joking. Did you leave your humour over there?"

Leaning forward on his desk, Hux rubbed his eyes with his palms. "I'm just tired," he told her.

He was beyond tired. He was exhausted, and he felt like he was on the verge of a breakdown. Any moment now, if someone pushed him or said the wrong thing, he would simply crumble into a useless heap of uncontained emotion.

“Hux!” a voice then boomed across the office space and Hux immediately snapped to attention at the sound of his name.

Snoke stood in the doorway to his office, tall and menacing, looking straight at Hux and Phasma. Hux was reminded of his dream.

“You’ve got this,” Phasma smiled at him, but her words of encouragement didn’t help much when Hux felt like he was going in to be sentenced.

He didn’t know what he was going to tell Snoke. He hadn’t made a plan for this. He had done what he promised he would do. He had gone to America, he had found Kylo and he had gotten his story. And that story was more than both he and Snoke could ever have hoped for. If they printed it, it would surely go global. The newspaper would get a lot of attention and Hux would almost certainly be able to move onto a more lucrative job.

There was only one problem: Hux didn’t want to out Kylo. If Hux named him, it would only hurt Kylo and make his life difficult again, and the last thing Hux wanted was to bring him more pain.

It was a dizzying walk from his desk to Snoke's office, one that was normally short but now seemed endless. His feet were like lead and although he tried to hold his head high, it felt heavy. And, was he wrong or was everyone looking at him?

“Now then, what do you have for me?” Snoke asked once they were both in his office with the door shut behind them. Somehow, the room seemed smaller and even more tightly packed than before.

Snoke was behind his desk, leaned back in his chair with his hands on the armrests. Hux was in front of him, legs crossed and hands folded in his lap. He had to concentrate to avoid wringing them and coming off too nervous, even though he could feel droplets of sweat gathering on his lower back.

"Well?" Snoke pressed when Hux didn't say anything. He frowned, giving his face an even more disturbing look.

Hux swallowed and was finally able to collect himself enough to say: "I don't have it."

Snoke stared at him unblinkingly and without moving a single muscle for an uncomfortably long time. Then he spoke, still calm but with a sudden chill in his voice: "You don't have the story?"

"No." There was an itch at the back of Hux's throat, but he managed not to clear it.

Snoke was very much a no-nonsense kind of man. He had no patience for dilly-dallying and accepted few - if any - excuses. Hux had heard rumours about how ruthless he could be but had never experienced it himself. He had mostly assumed that the rumours were exaggerated, but the frosty look Snoke was now serving him told Hux that there might be some truth to it after all.

Gripping the armrests of the chair and sitting up straighter, Snoke said, “You promised me this story. In fact, you pushed me to spend money and resources on this because you were convinced that this would be the greatest story this newspaper has ever had. Wasn’t that what you said?”

It could easily have been a rhetorical question, but Snoke was really asking. Not because he didn't know the answer, Hux realised, but because he wanted to remind Hux. And likely also because he wanted Hux to admit it out loud.

"It was," Hux acknowledged. A twitch of a muscle forced him to blink.

“But now you're telling me you have nothing?”

Hux simply nodded.

"And what were you doing in America for that time if you weren't doing your job?" Snoke asked. He sounded almost mocking as if he knew what Hux had done, except he couldn't possibly. No one knew.

"I tried," Hux told him, then elaborated with a lie: "But he didn't want to talk to me."

It felt right to lie because he was protecting Kylo and it made him more confident. But it was also strange to make Kylo out to be a different person entirely than the one Hux had gotten to know.

On the other side of the large desk, Snoke got to his feet. “I believe I also told you before you left that I wouldn’t accept any excuses if this fell through. Correct?”

"Correct," replied Hux.

Snoke had very clearly pointed out that this case would be a make it or break it for Hux and so he thought he knew where this conversation was going: he was being sacked. The curious thing was that that outcome didn't scare him.

Hux unfolded his hands from his lap and uncrossed his legs, resting his hands lightly on his knees instead. He watched as Snoke moved over to the window and gazed out at the grey town of Arkanis, his face still hard. There was another long pause, but it was less uncomfortable for Hux this time. Instead, there was a certain anticipation.

But then Snoke threw an unexpected curveball. "We'll still do the story."

"What?" Hux blurted out.

Snoke turned to him. “We don’t need the backstory. We don’t need an interview. With a story like this, some mystery is expected, even preferred. You’ll write it and encourage our readers to do their own research - include them in the enigma.”

Gaping for a moment, Hux finally said, “You can’t do that.”

“Of course we can,” Snoke all but barked back. “This Kylo person can’t stop us.”

Realising that Snoke was right, Hux started to panic. Snoke had every right to publish the story. He could even use Kylo’s name and no one could stop him from doing so. After all, Kylo had willingly signed his name on the message and thrown the bottle into the ocean for anyone to find it. And while it had taken Hux a serious amount of effort to locate him, he had no doubt that there were both other journalists and amateur researchers out there who would reach the same result as he with enough time and patience.

But then something hit him. The message in the bottle. It all boiled down to the message. Without that or, at least, a copy of it, there was no story.

Hux rose from his chair too, levelling with Snoke. “You can't do the story without the message,” Hux told him resolutely.

“Pardon?”

“Without the letter, no one will believe the story.”

Scoffing, Snoke said, “I don’t see how that’s an issue. We have the letter.”

Slowly, Hux shook his head. “No, you don't,” he pointed out, almost smugly. “I do. I did.”

Snoke’s eyes widened at Hux’s words. “You… did?”

“I don’t have it anymore,” Hux easily lied. “I burnt it.”

Hux thought Snoke’s eyes might pop out of his head at that. He stared at Hux with fury, his jaw clenched.

“You burnt it?!” Snoke snapped at him. “What the hell is the matter with you? I thought you wanted this story! I thought you wanted to get ahead and to make a name for yourself!”

Hux wasn’t angered by Snoke’s words. Quite the opposite, he was relieved. His only reply, therefore, was a shrug, which only provoked Snoke more.

“How dare you?” Snoke lashed out. “I took a major chance on you and this is how you repay me? You are done! You are fired! Get out and don’t show your face here ever again!”

Hux didn’t leave Snoke with any parting words. He didn’t need to say anything more than what he already had, so he just opened the door and exited the room. Outside, there was complete silence, and while Hux hadn't been certain whether everyone had looked at him on his way into Snoke’s office, he knew that they were now. All eyes were turned to him - undoubtedly having heard the ruckus coming from inside Snoke’s office - as he made his way back to his cubicle.

Hux didn't have that many personal items at his desk, but he started packing the few he had or actually cared to keep.

"What just happened?" Phasma's voice came from above their shared cubicle wall.

"I got fired," Hux told her plainly without looking at her, putting whatever items there was room for into his bag.

"What? Why?"

As he put on his coat, Hux met her eyes. She looked worried, but Hux was in no way ready to dive into any sort of explanation. Not here. Not now. If ever.

"I can't right now, Phasma. I just want to get home."

Although clearly confused, she respected what he said and nodded. "Okay. I'll call you."

* * *

Once back home, that burst of confidence and defiance Hux had found within him in Snoke's office was immediately drained from him. He barely made it into the living room before he all but collapsed, legs shaking, forcing him onto his knees on the floor.

From her spot in the window sill, Millicent watched him with curious, green eyes as he crawled pitifully over to the fireplace. He was shivering equally as much from fear as he was from the actual cold.

With trembling hands, he managed to light a fire. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe - to calm down - as the heat spread over his body and started sinking into his bones. But there was no relief to be found. His thoughts immediately went to Kylo and to the bottled message, which was still in his bag. Exactly where he had left it the last time he had seen Kylo.

Hux reached for his bag, pulling it to him and digging inside it to find Kylo's note. He read it again:

> _To someone beautiful and far away,_
> 
> _I’m writing to you, whoever and wherever you are._  
_Somewhere out there, you must be waiting, like I am waiting._

Tears stung in Hux's eyes at the memory of the time he had spent with Kylo and how he had come to believe that he was that person Kylo had been waiting for. But it was all just a short-lived fantasy - a beautiful lie that could never last.

He let the note slip from his fingers and into the fire, and as he did, a tear broke free, staining his cheek. He watched as the flames hungrily swallowed up the small piece of paper, effectively devouring the only thing Hux had left of Kylo.

Something gripped at Hux's chest and his throat tightened. The pain he had been holding back the last few days suddenly overwhelmed him. With the first tear already having escaped, the rest now followed in an unbroken stream. He pulled his knees to him and wrapped his arms tight around them, burying his head in the nook of his elbow.

He wept quietly at first, but soon enough it turned into loud sobs. Grief coursed through him, making his entire body shake. Choking on his own sobs, he had to gasp for air so he wouldn’t throw up.

It took a long time and several failed attempts for him to collect himself enough to stop crying. It wasn't until Millicent lightly pawed at his back that he was able to break out of his immersive despair.

Millicent lovingly stroked up against his side and weaved around his legs. Hux let his hand fall from its cramped grip around his knees and Millicent bumped her head against it before she looked up at him with narrow eyes and blinked slowly.

It wasn't much, but Hux was able to find some comfort in it.

* * *

The coming days were difficult, to say the least. The pain and sorrow were so profound that Hux struggled to deal with everyday tasks. He lost his appetite and wasn't able to sleep much. The times he did sleep was mainly during the day. And because he no longer had a job, he had nothing even remotely meaningful to fill his days with. He didn't go outside, not even to collect the mail.

He spent most of his time on the sofa, watching mind-numbing television or listening to loud music in an attempt to distract his own thoughts.

It only worked to a certain degree, because there was a voice inside he wasn't able to drown out no matter what he did. It kept telling him: _I told you so. I told you you would get hurt. You should never have put yourself out there again. I told you so._ During the day it was just an irritating whisper, but in the quiet darkness of the night, when there were no distractions around, it was a pained shriek that kept him awake.

* * *

Phasma kept her promise and called. Every day, she called. But Hux didn't pick up. So she left him voice messages, which he didn't listen to, and she sent him texts, which he didn't respond to.

Hux couldn't say for certain, because time quickly became a blur, but he thought it had been three or maybe even four days since he got fired when his doorbell rang. He ignored it at first, thinking that whoever was at his door would leave if he didn’t answer, but the ringing persisted. He groaned, got up from the sofa and walked sluggishly to the door, where he peered through the peephole and saw Phasma. Closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, he unlocked and opened the door, then trudged back to the sofa without greeting her.

Phasma followed him into the living room, where she looked around her with elevated brows. It wasn’t that Hux’s flat was particularly untidy, but the suitcase from his trip to America was sitting opened but unpacked on the floor, with some of its contents spilling out of it. Hux himself was in his pyjamas, further wrapped in a blanket and his hair was a greasy mess.

“You look awful,” she said.

“Thank you,” Hux retorted.

Taking a few steps closer, Phasma sighed, her expression softening. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm worried about you. First, you have a fight with Snoke and get fired, and then you go quiet for days. I was scared something really bad had happened."

"I'm fine," Hux dismissed her.

"You're clearly not. Have you eaten at all lately?"

Hux shrugged.

“Showered?” she asked more carefully as if she didn’t want to intrude.

Hux just shook his head, wrapping himself tighter in the blanket. Eating and hygiene hadn’t been high on his list of priorities lately. He knew it wasn’t good, but he just didn’t have the energy for either.

“Right,” said Phasma, sounding determined. “Here’s what we’re going to do: I’m going to run out and get some food for the both of us. While I’m out, I would like you to get in the shower. Can you manage that?”

“I suppose,” he replied. It was a small request but he appreciated that she asked, nonetheless; that she didn’t just demand it of him. He couldn’t do demands or expectations right now.

“I’ll be back soon,” she said. "I'll bring your keys so I can let myself in when I come back."

Hux was sat on the sofa a few more minutes after Phasma left before he finally willed himself to go to the bathroom and get in the shower. It was a chore to undress and throw his smelly pyjamas in the hamper, but once he was actually in the shower with the warmth of the hot water caressing his body, he was able to relax and even enjoy it. He took his time, soaping up his body and washing his hair twice.

By the time he got out of the shower and into a new pair of pyjamas, Phasma had returned with several boxes of Chinese food. She placed them all on the kitchen counter, then found two plates so they could help themselves to whatever they wanted.

“Feel better?” she asked him.

“I feel a little less gross,” Hux replied truthfully. The shower had done him some good. If nothing else, at least he was refreshed now.

“That’s always an improvement,” she smiled at him.

Hux didn’t expect to eat much when they sat down together in the living room, but once he got a taste of the food he found that he was hungrier than he had thought and ended up eating more than anticipated.

“So,” began Phasma once they were finished eating. She put her plate down and pulled her legs up under her on the sofa. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Swallowing, Hux looked away as the hurt and guilt jerked at his insides again, making his stomach churn and his chest feel tight. How could he tell her about Kylo and what had happened between them? How could he explain to her how Kylo had made him feel? How could he admit to how badly he had messed up? And how could he make her understand how he could never take that back?

“Please talk to me, Hux,” Phasma practically begged him when he didn't say anything. “Whatever it is, don’t keep this to yourself.”

“I don’t know how,” Hux admitted in a weak voice. “I’m not used to talking about these things.”

Nodding her head in understanding, Phasma said, “I know, but you could try.”

And so Hux did. Opening up and talking about himself and his emotions was extremely challenging for him. It made him vulnerable and vulnerability was not something he wanted to show. And despite being a journalist - someone who lived off of telling stories - he also found it immensely difficult to find the right words.

But the more he talked, the easier it became, and he didn’t hold back. He told Phasma everything - from his first meeting with Kylo to the last and everything in between. About how he, against his better judgement, had fallen so hard and so quickly for Kylo that he had been blind to reason and reality.

All the while he spoke, Phasma didn’t say a word. Sometimes she nodded and sometimes she shook her head, but she didn’t look shocked or appalled and she never once showed any sign of judgement.

Once Hux was finished, he was drained, but there was also a surprising sense of relief from having gotten everything off his chest. As someone who wasn’t at all used to sharing his emotions or inner life, this was a new experience for him.

“I’m so sorry,” Phasma sighed after a moment of silence.

“It is what it is,” Hux said bitterly, running a hand over his face. “I have no one to blame but myself for this mess.”

“But Hux, you didn’t know about his past. And it wasn’t like you planned on falling in love with him.”

“I should have told him I was a journalist,” Hux insisted.

Phasma shifted in her seat, moving just a little closer to him. “Okay, maybe you should have, but you didn’t. You made a mistake - a very honest and human mistake. We all make those. That doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person.”

“I’m not so sure,” mumbled Hux.

Reaching her hand out, Phasma grabbed Hux’s and squeezed it. “But I am.”

* * *

Phasma stayed with Hux the rest of that day, making sure he was okay. Together, they managed to finish all the Chinese food while binge-watching true crime documentaries on Netflix.

“Are you going to look for a new job?” Phasma asked him.

Hux hadn’t given work much - if any - thought since he had lost his job. For now, he was fine. He had enough money saved up to get by for a little while. But obviously, he couldn’t be out of a job for too long.

“I suppose I have to eventually,” he grimaced. “But it’s not like there are any other newspapers in Arkanis.”

“Go freelance,” suggested Phasma. “Or you can write your memoirs and become a rich author.”

Hux scoffed. “I’m certain all the large publishing houses would fight over the chance to publish such an exciting book.”

“I would read it.”

“And you would be the only one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, that was a rough one, but we're no longer fully in angst territory, thanks to Phasma being a wholesome bff.
> 
> You can find sinningsquire's lovely art for this chapter over on tumblr. Please head over and give her some love!


	9. Chapter 9

**3 years later **

Hux's plane touched down in Chicago a few minutes past nine in the morning. He was coming in from Minneapolis and it had already been a long day. He was therefore grateful for the free onboard coffee, although it had tasted rather abysmal. However, when he was on a tight schedule, any sort of caffeine would do as long as it perked him up.

He had been in America for two weeks already, steadily making his way from the west to the east coast and visiting a new city every other day for his book tour. It was a stressful schedule that didn't leave much room for relaxation. He had only had two full days off so far, but despite the grinding and having to be "on" all the time, Hux was immensely grateful for every minute of it. He enjoyed meeting his readers, especially as he never thought he would become an author - least of all a successful one.

It was strange how he, three years ago, never thought he would be able to come back to America. After Kylo, it didn’t seem likely for him to ever return. But here he was again and although America would always remind him of Kylo - and there was still that small sting in his chest whenever he thought about him - he was able to distance himself from him now. America was just America and this was just another airport - the next stop on his tour.

As had now become routine, Hux quickly made his way to the luggage pickup to get his suitcase, then went through security. In the arrivals hall he looked around until he found what he was searching for: a card with his name on it. A young Asian woman with bangs and a ponytail was holding it high on a stick so that he wouldn't overlook it.

"Mr Hux?" she asked when he approached her.

"That’s me,” replied Hux.

She reached her hand out to him. "My name is Rose Tico. I'm your Chicago media escort."

They shook hands.

"Let me take your luggage. The car is right outside," she smiled at him, grabbing his suitcase before he could hand it over.

She was the bubbly sort, all smiles and rapid talk. The media escorts - or handlers as they were usually referred to as - often were. Hux supposed they had to be in their line of work. There wasn't much room for being a low-energy introvert.

As they walked through the airport to the parking lot, she explained his itinerary of the day: "We'll go to the hotel first to get you checked in. There you'll have about an hour to freshen up and have a quick snack. Next, I'll take you to the book fair where you'll do your reading, talk and signing. Then there’s the mixer in the afternoon."

"Right, thank you," Hux nodded, taking a mental note of his schedule.

When Hux got his first handler he had wondered why he needed a hand-holder. He was an adult, after all; he could manage himself and his own time. But he soon learned that the handlers were invaluable, as it was very easy to get disoriented when touring. Having someone tell him where to go and when to go there was immensely helpful.

Once in the car, Rose turned to him. “I know we’re not supposed to ask this and I don’t want to come off as some crazed fan," she began, making Hux arch an eyebrow at her. "But would you mind signing my copy of your book?"

"Of course," said Hux.

She wasn't the first handler to ask that question. He had met others who were fans of his book and he really didn’t mind them asking him for an autograph. He took it as a compliment and, really, it was the least he could do in return for them having to babysit him.

Rose reached into the backseat of the car, grabbed Hux's book and handed it to him. Although it had been just over a year now since his book was first published, he was still mildly in awe every time he saw the cover with his name on it accompanied by the title _To Someone Beautiful and Far Away._

Writing the story of him and Kylo was initially just a way for Hux to deal with everything that had happened between them. It was therapeutic, somehow - a way for him to get all his thoughts and emotions out without having to actually reveal anything to anyone. He hadn't been certain at first whether he actually wanted the book published. Despite how no one could know that the story was heavily based on true events, it was still a very private thing to share with the public.

Hux, who had become accustomed to always keeping at least one pen on him, dug one out from his bag. He signed the book and handed it back to Rose, who smiled gratefully.

On their way to the hotel, Rose chatted about the book fair Hux was attending and pointed out some local attractions of potential interest. Hux appreciated her effort, even though he would likely forget it quickly. That was the downside of touring: He got to visit a lot of places but didn't get to see that much of them.

* * *

Rose warned him that the book fair would be large, being a combined convention and fair, but it was a lot larger than Hux had expected. He kept close to her as she weaved through the thick crowd of people.

He was stopped a couple of times by someone wanting a signature, but Rose declined them for him, telling them that Hux was in a rush and that they would have to come to the signing later.

She led him to one of the stage areas where he only had to wait a few minutes before he was brought out to an audience of around a hundred people. They applauded when he entered the stage and Hux lifted his arm to greet them all.

He always did the reading first and he always read the same passage - the one where he and Kylo initially met. People seemed to really enjoy hearing him read about that first spark of electricity between the two characters. Hux wasn't quite sure why, as his book was all about mistakes and didn't have a happy ending. In fact, he had written three different ones and included them all in the book, and Kylo left him in all of them. Perhaps his readers preferred to delude themselves and hang onto the part of the book that was cheerful and romantic. Or perhaps they were emotional masochists.

Next up, he answered questions about his book and his writing. A popular question was whether there would be a sequel to _To Someone Beautiful and Far Away_, one where the two characters perhaps found a way back to each other? Hux had been told by his publisher to reply to that question with a mysterious "never say never" or "who knows?", but he knew he would never write one. There was no sequel to him and Kylo in real life and therefore there was no sequel for their book alter egos either.

The book fair was wrapped up with the signing. It was easily the most stressful part, but it was also Hux's favourite. There was just something really unique about meeting his readers one on one and hearing them tell him about their favourite parts or how they had recommended his book to their colleagues. It all meant more to him than they would ever know.

A young woman in her early twenties was next in line to have her book signed. Hux smiled at her and asked her name as he took her copy and opened it. He always signed on the title page, but her book fell open on the dedication page, where Hux had written a very simple message:

> _For K.,_  
_I’m sorry_

He realised it was futile, but he had dedicated the book to Kylo just in case he ever read it. He didn't think Kylo had, but if there was the smallest speck of chance that he would - even fifty years from now - it was important that the book started with an apology.

“I loved the book so much!" the young woman proclaimed as Hux quickly wrote a short message and signed his name. "It's really clever how you wrote the three different endings, but I wish they had ended up together in one of them."

“Well, I wanted it to mirror real life and real life doesn’t always have happy endings,” Hux told her and handed her the book back. “Here you go."

The girl took the book and hugged it tight to her chest. "I hope Bill finds love again, even if he messed up."

Hux smiled sadly at her. "So do I."

* * *

The part of the job Hux was less fond of, were the mixers. They were basically private parties with few, carefully selected guests within the publishing industry. Hux could easily do small talk, that wasn’t the problem. Years of being a journalist had taught him how to talk to people and have them open up. The problem was that he greatly disliked it when the tables were turned and everyone’s attention was on him. Because the guests at the mixers didn’t just ask about his book, they asked about _him_. That’s why he normally didn’t stay any longer than he absolutely had to, doing the minimum required mingling before returning to his hotel.

The Chicago mixer was no different than any of the others. Rose had kindly offered to keep him company, but he had let her go, telling her he would get a taxi back to his hotel instead.

Now he was standing in a quiet corner, sipping at his second glass of prosecco while observing the other guests. His plan was to stay there for another half hour or so until it would be acceptable to leave. In the meantime, he hoped the others were busy enough with each other to leave him alone.

He was wrong.

A man a few years older than Hux himself spotted him alone in the corner and broke away from his group. Hux had briefly been introduced to him earlier. He remembered that he was a higher-up in some bookstore chain, but he didn’t remember his name.

“Not a fan of the mixers, huh?” he asked once he reached Hux. He was tall, with short brown hair and a deliberate stubble, wearing what looked to be a tailored maroon suit.

“Not really, no,” Hux admitted, smiling politely.

“You’re not the only author who dislikes mingling if that makes you feel any better.” He flashed Hux a toothy smile. “Eric, by the way. We met earlier, but it's alright if all the names you heard tonight became a blur and you don't remember mine.”

Hux huffed a laugh. “It does get a little overwhelming.” Then he added: “I’m Hux.”

“I know,” Eric winked. “Most of us are here for you, remember? At least, I am.”

Hux licked his lips and shifted from one foot to the other. Was he wrong or was Eric flirting with him?

"So, where are you headed next?" Eric asked.

"New York."

"Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow afternoon, yes,” Hux confirmed.

Eric leaned against the wall, casually putting a hand in his trouser pocket. “You have part of tomorrow off then?”

It seemed like an innocent enough question, but Hux really wasn’t certain it was.

“Yes,” Hux replied warily, almost shaping it like a question.

Eric locked his steely blue eyes with Hux’s and took a slow sip of his own glass of prosecco. “So, how about some company before you leave Chicago?”

Hux blinked rapidly. It wasn’t that he was completely taken off guard, but he hadn’t expected Eric to ask him so directly. He certainly wasn't shy.

It would be easy to say yes - to spend one night with Eric and then never have to think of him again. He was, after all, technically Hux's type: bordering on overconfident, charming and entertaining. And heaven only knew it had been a long time since Hux had been with anyone. The last one was- Hux's heart sank. The last one was Kylo.

Pursing his lips together, Hux focused intently on the sparkling liquid in his glass. "I can't," he dismissed Eric.

"Oh," uttered Eric. There was a pause and then he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Don't worry about it,” Hux spoke quickly. “Excuse me."

And with those words, Hux left the mixer in a hurry.

* * *

New York was the last stop on Hux's American book tour. It was also the busiest. It started with two different radio interviews on the day he arrived, followed by a morning television show the day after, and then the final book signing.

That one was taking place at a big bookstore in Manhattan and, apparently, they were anticipating a rather large turnout. Hux didn't know what to expect, so when he showed up at the bookstore and saw an actual line of people outside, he was speechless. He couldn't believe that there were so many people there just for his book.

A wide table with piles of his book was set up in the middle of the store so that the queue of people could come directly to him. He took his seat behind it and welcomed the first smiling person in line.

It took time with so many people, but Hux made sure to give each and every one of them his attention, answering questions and even posing for some photos. When the long line of people was finally nearing its end, Hux looked up to see how many were left and got himself a shock.

He blinked once, twice, not believing what he was seeing at first, but at the very back of the line - the last person waiting to see him - was Kylo. Hux froze and it was as if the other people around him faded away as his eyes met Kylo’s. Hux couldn’t read him, couldn’t tell what he wanted, but terror and excitement both fought for his attention. He was scared that Kylo had come to the signing to confront him about the book; that he had gotten the wrong idea and was still angry, still hurt. But another part of him couldn’t help but hope that maybe, just maybe he had read the book and understood and that he had come because he wanted to see Hux. He had come because, after three years, he missed Hux just as much as Hux missed him.

“Mr Hux?” a voice far away sounded and Hux snapped out of his hypnotic state.

“What?” he asked, still keeping his eyes on Kylo.

The bookstore manager leaned down next to him with a worried look on her face and whispered, “Are you alright?”

Grabbing his glass of water, Hux took a quick drink and nodded. “I’m fine. Let’s get on with it.” He regained his composure and put the smile back on his face, while internally he was in absolute chaos.

Hux tried his best to give the remaining people in line the same amount of attention as the ones that had come before them, but he wasn’t able to focus completely. He could feel Kylo’s eyes on him like the scorching of the sun as he signed the remaining books, and he kept thinking: _What is he doing here? What does he want?_

Time seemed to slow down and Hux simultaneously did and didn't wish that the line would move faster. When it finally ended and the only person left was Kylo, Hux didn't dare look at his face. He felt small - vulnerable - sitting down while Kylo stood like a giant before him. It was just the two of them now and Hux didn’t know what to say. Kylo looked severe and determined. Hux was uncertain and timid, his stomach making such harsh jolts he thought he might be sick.

Then his own book was put on the table in front of him with Kylo’s large hand resting on top of it.

“I read your book,” said Kylo, his deep voice sending shivers down Hux’s spine.

Hux finally dared to look up at him. “You did?” he asked quietly.

Silence fell between them, where they both seemed unsure and uncomfortable and not knowing what else to say. Hux was scared to move, barely even able to breathe in fear of Kylo getting angry with him.

Eventually, Kylo cut through the thick silence and asked, “Do you have time to talk?”

Immediately, Hux nodded. “Let me just finish up here. I won't be long.”

“I’ll meet you outside.”

Hux packed his things as fast as he could, then gave his thanks and goodbye to the bookstore staff. He took a moment to observe Kylo through the window before stepping outside to meet him. He stood on the sidewalk with one hand buried deep in the pocket of his black jacket, the other holding onto Hux’s book, moving impatiently back and forth on his heels while staring at the pavement. Hux thought his hair was a little longer, but otherwise he looked just like the last time Hux had seen him. It was almost like no time had passed at all. Hux still couldn’t believe that he was really here, but he wasn’t about to let the opportunity to talk get away from him.

“There’s a park not far from here,” explained Kylo once Hux came outside, reminding Hux that he was, in fact, a New York native.

They walked in tense silence the five minutes or so it took to get to the park. It was early autumn and the weather was turning colder, but the sun was still nice and warm in the middle of the day.

When they reached the park - a small, quiet place nestled in the middle of a townhouse area - Kylo found a bench. And as they sat down, they both started talking at the same time.

“Kylo, I-” Hux began.

“I wanted to-” said Kylo.

They both laughed nervously. Hux even found himself blushing. But before Kylo could say anything more, Hux went on. He needed to apologise and he needed to do it now.

“I’m sorry, Kylo. For everything that happened. I’m sorry for not telling you the truth. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry!”

“Hux-”

“I’m so sorry,” Hux repeated. There was a lump growing in his throat that he really didn’t want to get the best of him right now.

“Hux, please, stop,” Kylo said. “Let me talk.”

Hux drew a deep, shaky breath to calm himself down. Kylo didn’t seem angry and it gave him some hope, but he was still scared.

Kylo ran a hand through his hair and Hux’s own hand itched at wanting to do the same, longing to feel the softness of those dark locks between his fingers again.

Leaning forward, Kylo rested his elbows on his knees. When he started talking, he didn’t look at Hux. “I was angry for a long time after what happened between us. I felt betrayed. I really thought you had fucked me over on purpose. And that hurt a lot because I actually cared about you.”

He glanced over at Hux, quickly meeting his eyes before turning away again. Hux swallowed hard, still trying to keep that lump in his throat at bay. It was hard listening to Kylo talk about this.

“I got over it after a while. Or repressed it, anyway,” Kylo continued, staring straight ahead of him. “But then your book came out, bringing it all back again. I figured you had done exactly what I thought you would do. I thought you had used me to get rich off my story. So obviously, I didn’t read it. Just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach.”

Hux knew there had to be more to the story as Kylo had already told him he had read the book, but it still made his breath catch at the back of his throat knowing that Kylo clearly came close to not reading it at all.

“Someone else read it though,” said Kylo. He sat back up again and turned towards Hux, putting his arm on the back of the bench. He didn’t touch Hux, but his fingertips were a mere couple of inches away and Hux could practically feel the heat and the energy coming from him.

“Lor did,” Kylo went on, making Hux’s eyes widen in surprise.

“He did?”

Confused at first, Hux supposed it made sense that Lor had read the book. He was one of the very few people that knew about him and Kylo and he had clearly rooted for them.

Kylo actually smiled then - that slanted smile Hux couldn’t defend himself against, and he was glad he was sitting down because he didn’t think his knees would be able to hold him up if he was standing.

“Of course he did,” Kylo said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “And then he nagged at me to read it as well. At first, I told him he could shove it, but when he told me to stop being so god damn stubborn, I eventually took the book. I admit I mostly did it to make him shut up, but one night my curiosity got the better of me.”

Grabbing the book from where it was lying next to him on the bench, Kylo opened it to the dedication page and let his fingers move over the words written there. “I read this first. Then I spent the next two days reading the rest. And when I finished it, I finally understood your intention. You didn’t want to use me.”

His eyes found Hux’s and held his gaze.

“I wanted to apologise,” Hux told him. It was all he ever wanted to do.

“I know that now.”

Tentatively, Kylo reached out for Hux and put his hand on top of his. Hux couldn’t help himself from letting out a small gasp. He had forgotten what it was like to be touched by Kylo, but now that his fingers were curling around his own, it was all so familiar. He remembered the warmth he gave off and the calluses on Kylo's fingertips as he gently caressed Hux's knuckles with his thumb.

Hux’s heart was hammering so hard in his chest, Kylo had to be able to hear it.

“Reading the book, it reminded me of what we had,” Kylo continued in a quieter voice. “I kind of forgot everything in my anger. Or wanted to forget. It was easier that way because I wanted us to be real, but when all that shit went down, I thought it was all a lie.”

“It wasn’t a lie,” Hux quickly intervened, squeezing Kylo’s hand tight and moving a little closer to him.

“I know. It was real,” nodded Kylo. “It is real.”

Slowly, Kylo leaned in on Hux. Their foreheads touched and Hux closed his eyes as relief and elation and yearning all washed over him at once. His nose bumped against Kylo's and he tenderly nuzzled against his cheek. Kylo's warm breath was like a feather against Hux's skin - soft and caressing, gently tickling.

When their lips finally met, it was in a slow, delicate kiss, but no less a needy one that clearly showed how much both of them had longed for the other.

"I missed you," Hux whispered to Kylo once they parted, his hands coming up to comb through Kylo's hair.

Kylo closed his eyes momentarily at the touch. Then he cupped Hux's face in his hands and kissed him again. And again.

"I missed you too," he said. "So fucking much."

They sat close, holding each other tight, not wanting to let one another go now that they had found a way back to each other. Hux struggled to find the right words to describe what he was feeling at the moment, but as Kylo pressed another kiss to his temple, he realised that the word he was looking for was happy.

"You know you have those three different endings in your book," Kylo spoke close to his ear, tightening his grip around Hux's shoulder.

"Mhm," nodded Hux, thinking about how all his endings resulted in Kylo leaving him in one way or another.

"Why did you make them all unhappy? Why did you make yourself end up alone in all of them?"

Hux turned his head to look at Kylo and there was a sadness to his voice when he said, "Because that's what happened and I couldn't think of any other realistic outcome."

Kylo looked at him for a long time and Hux got the distinct feeling that he was staring straight into the depths of his soul.

"I think I know of another ending," Kylo said.

"And what would that be?" asked Hux.

"I forgive you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're basically at the end of the fic. Kylo and Hux have found back to each other and things are fluffy and sweet and good <3
> 
> You can find sinningsquire's lovely art for this chapter over on tumblr: [here](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/189553852846/when-the-long-line-of-people-was-finally-nearing) and [here](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/189553908086/slowly-kylo-leaned-in-on-hux-their-foreheads). Please head over and give it some love!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never actually meant to write this chapter. The story was always meant to end after chapter 9. But then Squire made me this lovely piece of art as a surprise and I decided to write a short epilogue/coda to accompany it.

Hux had had the most pleasant night's sleep in months, perhaps even in years. He had dreamt that Kylo had shown up at his book signing and that he had forgiven him for everything that had happened. And then they had gone back to Hux's hotel and spent the most amazing night together.

With that wonderful dream still fresh in his mind - so fresh, in fact, Hux could still taste Kylo on him - Hux didn't want to wake up. He wanted to escape back into dreamland because it was surely better than reality.

But however hard he tried to hold onto sleep, his body was ready to wake up and he finally had to admit defeat, opening his eyes to a cold and impersonal hotel room. He blinked to get rid of the groggy feeling and as the intoxication of sleep lifted, reality hit him in the best way.

Hux quickly rolled over in bed to find Kylo sleeping peacefully next to him. He was on his back, one arm resting on his stomach, the other behind his head. His hair was splayed out on the white pillow like a dark halo.

Smiling, Hux moved close and snuggled up to him. The feeling of warm skin against skin was exhilarating and he breathed in the scent of Kylo before leaving a small set of kisses on his chest.

Kylo stirred, inhaled deeply and then opened his eyes.

"Good morning," Hux smiled up at him.

"Morning." Kylo's voice was a little raspy from just having woken up. He yawned and smiled lazily but lovingly back at Hux. Then he moved the hand behind his head to wrap around Hux's shoulder, pulling him even closer.

Resting his head on Kylo's chest, Hux found his hand and laced their fingers together. "I thought you were a dream," he confessed.

Kylo pressed a comforting kiss to Hux's brow. "Isn't it a shame we wasted three years?"

"Perhaps, but I think we both needed the time," said Hux.

He truly meant that. As difficult as it had been, he was convinced that their time apart to reflect had only done them good. They weren't ready three years ago, but they were now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this story. It was a delight to write it and it's been an equal delight to share it with you. I hope you have enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the comments and kudos so far. They are greatly appreciated <3
> 
> Sinngsquire's art for this chapter can be found over on tumblr. Please take a moment to head over there and give her some love!

**Author's Note:**

> You can [find me on tumblr](https://heresetrash.tumblr.com/), if you want.  
You can also [find sinningsquire on tumblr.](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/)


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